


Broken Wings

by DreamingAngelWolf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Runaway, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingAngelWolf/pseuds/DreamingAngelWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is coping with a somewhat dysfunctional family and a best friend who is oblivious to his crush on her. Then, just when things seem to be looking up, the atmosphere becomes too tense for comfort between his brothers, and life as Castiel knows it changes drastically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feather Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction, so a few things may need smoothing out. Hope y'all like it anyway!

Seven-year-old Castiel Novak stood on the old walkway and gulped. The stolen crash-mats below looked very far away, much further than they had on the ground, and suddenly the idea seemed scary and reckless. Frowning, he shuffled away from the edge, feeling his pulse increase anyway, when a large hand took hold of his own. Jerking his head up, he found himself looking straight at a wide smile.

“Don’t worry, Cas,” his older brother, Michael, said. “If you’re worried, you can use me as a crash-mat too.” The confidence in his tone soothed the youngster, who managed a small smile back and stepped up to the edge of the walkway. Instead of looking down, Michael convinced him to watch Uriel instead.

“Is everyone ready?” Uriel called, looking up at them from the warehouse floor.

Castiel glanced to his left. Beside him, his brother Gabriel was bouncing impatiently on the walkway’s edge, and further on was Lucifer, sat on top of the handrail, an excited gleam in his eye. Looking right, Cas could see a similar look in Michael’s eye, whilst Raphael beyond him was calm and focused. He swallowed when Raphael nodded, and took a deep breath. “Don’t forget to keep your eyes open,” Michael whispered.

“On three then,” Uriel said, raising the camera. “One, two, three!”

They jumped. Cas felt the safety of the walkway vanish, and suddenly all that was beneath his feet was the air. He was weightless, the breath in his lungs lost along with his stomach. His clothes lifted slightly, the wind ruffled his short black hair as they fell, and he heard Michael and Gabriel whoop, perhaps Lucifer too. It didn’t matter that the ground was rushing up to meet them, for in the split second it took for Uriel to take the picture, his fear vanished and Castiel had never felt so alive; he honestly thought he and his brothers were flying. It was wonderful.

***

Eight years later, Cas smiled fondly at the photo as he lay on his bed, remembering the day it was taken. After landing on the mats, the exhilaration of the fall had stayed with them for ages. They had quickly crowded round Uriel, desperate to see the outcome of their stunt. They’d been thrilled with it, and had each been promised a copy. Lucifer had even taken him back up to do the jump again, but it hadn’t quite been the same, and after that it was a case of running and trying to escape from the tickling spree Gabriel started. They had all joined in, eventually – even Raphael, who suggested Uriel take more pictures. He’d never seen those ones, but he didn’t care; the jump had been the one that mattered. It was a reminder of the best day of his life.

Back then, there had been no worries, no trouble between them at all. Cas remembered the point when, after Uriel had left, they’d all flopped onto the crash-mats and just enjoyed being with each other, staring at the warehouse roof until long shadows were being cast by the low-hanging sun. Raphael had carried him home on his shoulders, and Gabriel and Lucifer started a joke-telling contest on the way home. Gabe won – he always did. They’d kept the photo a secret from their parents when they got back, and after nearly soaking each other getting clean for dinner their father announced he had some news.

Castiel frowned. Their parents had made dinner together, an entire roast dinner with the tastiest lamb and the best roast potatoes he could remember. There had been laughter and smiles, bright faces and light tones, even as the sun sank below the horizon. That’s when their parents had told them about the baby, when they thought their family would increase from seven to eight. The brothers had been equally delighted, Gabriel joking that Cas wouldn’t be the youngest anymore. Ever since then, the happiest few hours of Castiel’s life, it had all gone wrong.

A knock at his door broke him from his trip down memory lane. He quickly tucked the photo inside his jacket as Michael leant in. “You still going out with your friends today?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He nodded. “Dean and Adam’ll be here soon. Want a lift?”

“Are you sure Dean won’t mind?”

Michael scoffed. “You kidding? Dean would use anything as an excuse to drive his Baby more, even his friend’s kid brother. He likes you anyway, so you won’t need to beg.”

“I’m not a kid,” Cas insisted, but Michael ignored him. “Okay, fine. What time are they coming?”

“Fifteen minutes,” his brother said, and was gone before Cas could protest. Rolling his eyes, he returned the photo to its place under his pillow then texted Anna to let her know he’d be early. He gathered up some books, stuffing them inside a bag and slinging it over his shoulder as he hurried downstairs to wait with Michael. Before he reached the bottom, however, he slowed, recognise the sharp but low tones of a fight. His fears were confirmed when Gabriel slipped out of the living room, Nintendo DS in hand, scowling.

“Again?” Castiel asked as he passed him on the stairs. Gabe merely grunted, and he sighed. “What about?”

“Who knows. Don’t care.”

Frowning after his brother, Cas decided to wait where he was rather than endure Michael and Lucifer’s bickering. Resting his back against the banister he found himself looking at a photo of a grinning, gap-toothed boy with messy, dirty blonde hair and cheeky green-grey eyes. Blinking at it, he tilted his head to the side, trying to find the argumentative teen his brother had grown into somewhere beneath the youthful, chubby cheeks of the picture. He couldn’t, and looked up at Raphael’s picture at the top of the staircase. Despite the similar, youthful chubbiness, it was easy to see the similarities between three-year-old Raphael and nineteen-year-old Raphael, but only physically. His oldest brother had become a completely different person. Looking at Michael’s picture though, Castiel wondered that very little had changed about him as he’d gotten older. He’d only really become leaner and more handsome – a hit with the ladies, according to Dean – and was still caring and fun to be with (when he wasn’t fighting with Lucifer). Out of all of them, though, it was Gabriel who had changed the least. Despite being one year older than Cas, the chubbiness hadn’t quite gone from his face, and he still acted like a four-year-old on a regular basis. He hated the fighting the most, but if they realised it Lucifer and Michael ignored it. Gabe had threatened to run away once, but Raphael had told them not to worry, that he was just overreacting. Nowadays, Cas wasn’t so sure.

It had gone quiet in the living room, and Castiel listened harder in case he was missing something. After two minutes of silence though, Michael stepped out with a heavy expression. It changed to one of surprise when he looked up to see his brother sat halfway up the staircase. “Oh. There you are. Dean’s here.”

Getting up from his post, Cas was tempted to ask Michael what they’d been fighting about, but the way he almost ran out the door was a clear indication it was something to be forgotten about. Dean and Adam were leaning against Dean’s nineteen sixty-seven Chevrolet Impala, also known as Baby, and Michael greeted them like there was nothing wrong. Castiel followed suit, and tried to look cheerful when he was finally noticed.

“Well if it isn’t Little Novak,” Dean grinned, ruffling his hair. “How you doing, Cas?”

“Hello Dean, Adam. I’m fine, thank you for asking.”

Dean turned back to Michael, one eyebrow raised. “Dude, this kid’s too polite. You sure he’s your brother?”

Michael smirked. “We have a feeling he was adopted.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Michael.”

“Anyway, he’s got something he wants to ask you, Dean.”

“Oh he does?” Dean turned back to him expectantly, and Cas became a little nervous.

“Uh, well, I was wondering if it wouldn’t be too much trouble for you to drop me off at the park? I’m meeting some friends there, and Michael said you wouldn’t mind.” To his relief, Dean agreed.

“Hey Michael,” Adam said as they all piled (carefully) into Dean’s car. “Guess who’s decided to join us last minute?"

“Uh, Sam?”

“Nope.”

“Jo?”

“Nuh-uh.” 

“Lisa?”

Adam grinned. “The one and only!”

They both laughed as Dean backed out onto the road, scowling and muttering darkly at them both. Castiel looked at his brother. “Who’s Lisa?”

“You don’t remember her?” He shook his head. “Nice girl, dark hair, kid brother called Ben.” He was still confused. “Her and I were…"

“Oh.” _That_ Lisa.

“Having had her fun with Michael she’s moving onto Dean,” Adam told him. He yelped when Dean thumped him on the shoulder.

“Will you two cut it out?”

“Aw come on, Dean, it’s only a bit of fun!” Michael insisted.

Adam rubbed his shoulder. “Yeah, and it’s hardly surprising anyway.”

“What? Why?” Dean demanded.

He rolled his eyes. “Dude, I bet even Cas could guess why.” He glanced back at his friend’s brother, and after thinking about it for a minute Castiel agreed.

“You and Michael are very similar,” he told Dean.

“The hell we are!” was the response.

Michael sighed. “Dean, you can’t keep saying that every time someone mentions it.”

“The hell I can!”

Adam laughed and Cas squirmed in his seat, unable to tell if Dean was still angry or not. “Should I not have said anything?” he asked his brother quietly.

Michael smiled. “Don’t worry about it, Cas. That’s just Dean being stubborn.”

“Oh.” He’d heard about Dean’s temper, and as such didn’t want to be the one to set him off. Michael and Adam still seemed relaxed but he kept himself out of the conversation until they arrived at the park. Having thanked Dean and wished him good luck with Lisa (a comment Adam found puzzlingly hilarious) he went in search of his friends, soon finding them at the playground.

“Anna!” he called, waving when she turned. She waved back, jumping down from the slide and grabbing Chuck’s attention. They met at the swings and settled on the roundabout.

“Did you bring them?” Anna asked eagerly. Cas nodded, pulling one of the books from his bag. She gasped as he set it between them, touching the hardback cover lightly with her fingertips. “Wow,” she breathed. “It’s so old.”

“Not really,” Chuck said, and Anna rolled her eyes.

“Fine. It’s older than anything I own, then.”

“It’s the biggest one I could find,” Castiel told them, pulling out two smaller paperbacks and holding them up for inspection.

“Have you read any?” Anna asked, and he shook his head.

“I thought we could take one each then combine our notes when we’re done.”

“Are you sure that would work?” Chuck asked, and when they looked at him questioningly he seemed to shrink back. “O-only, they look like they’re different sizes, so we might finish them at different times, that’s all,” he gushed.

Cas shook his head. “Having looked at the font size, number of illustrations and overall page numbers, I think we will finish taking notes around the same time,” he assured them. “Even so, to make it fair, I don’t mind letting you two choose which book you would like to study.”

“I want the big one!” Anna called, her hand shooting out to claim it before Chuck could even open his mouth. Not even bothering to put up a fight, he picked up the one closest to him, and Castiel nodded.

“Very well then. I must ask that you take good care of them, though. Raphael would go spare if he thought I’d damaged my mother’s books.”

“Of course, Cas,” Anna nodded. “You can trust us.”

He smiled. “I know.” He retrieved a pad of paper and some pens from his bag, holding them out over the centre of the roundabout. “Shall we begin?”

The books were on angelology. Castiel’s mother had been deeply interested in the study (part of the reason why all her children were named after angels), and her youngest son had ‘inherited’ her passion. The three of them had decided to make angels the topic of their latest English assignment, agreeing to gain as much information as they could in order to try and discern why the interpretation of angels warped from terrifying soldiers of God to beautiful women in floaty white dresses. The work was divided fairly equally: Cas was providing the books, Anna would collect and compile the final notes, and Chuck would type the whole thing up. They would each make their own notes, both from the angelology books and various sections of the Bible.

One hour later, Anna dropped her pen and stretched. “My back is killing me,” she moaned.

Chuck snorted. “Come on Anna. Giving up after only one hour?”

“Not everyone spends hours on end hunched over their writing desks, Chuck. Some of us have better things to do.”

“Perhaps we should take a break,” Cas suggested. “You know, to give our minds a rest.”

Chuck shrugged. “Fine. What shall we do?”

Anna leaned back, letting the sun touch her face. “I’m quite happy here,” she murmured.

He glanced at the sky nervously. “Won’t we burn?”

“Not likely. It’s supposed to cloud over later,” Cas assured him. He relented, and they let a comfortable silence settle itself around them. Five minutes later, Anna opened one eye and half-scrutinised her friend from where she sat.

“You’re named after an angel, aren’t you Cas?”

“The angel of Thursday.”

“Why Thursday?”

He shifted, looking away a little. “Because I was born on a Thursday,” he muttered.

“Wait, so all your brothers get named after archangels, and you get the lowly angel of Thursday?” Chuck asked incredulously.

Castiel shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me,” he admitted. “I like Thursdays.”

“Yeah. But, aren’t you, like, worried?”

He frowned. “What would I have to be worried about?”

“That your brothers are going to end up like their angelic counterparts,” Chuck explained. “I mean, you know what happens to Lucifer –”

“Come on, Chuck, don’t be stupid!” Anna laughed. “There’s no way Cas’ brother will end up like the Devil. Although, why anyone would name their child Lucifer is… curious. No offence to your parents, Cas.”

“None taken,” he mumbled, frowning. It was oddly ironic: that the two brothers who argued the most were named Michael and Lucifer. Granted, the arguments hadn’t been lifelong – they’d even shared a room after Lucifer was born – but they had gradually been building up, occasionally becoming a tad physical. Until Chuck had mentioned it just then, he hadn’t entertained the idea of them possibly hurting each other.

“Castiel!”

Cas blinked, focusing back on his friends’ concerned faces. “Huh?”

“We’re thinking we should split,” Anna said. “It’s going to rain soon. We don’t want your mom’s books to get damaged.”

“Oh. Of course, good thinking.” He pushed the troubling thoughts to the back of his head as they cleared up. Chuck was just being… well, he was always having these weird ideas. He claimed it was because he was a writer, but Anna told him it was because he had an overactive imagination.

It was still sunny when they left the park but by the time they reached Castiel’s home twenty minutes later, the sky had indeed clouded over. He invited them both in, but Chuck was being angrily texted by his mother, so just Anna accepted. Gabriel was sat on the stairs when he opened the door, and he grinned at the unexpected visitor. “Well, looks like Cassie brought a date home!"

Anna shot him a wry smile. “Hi Gabriel.”

He shielded his eyes. “Sorry Anna, I can’t look at you if my little brother’s already taken you.”

Cas scowled at him. “Gabriel, don’t you have someone else to annoy?”

His brother shrugged. “Raphael and Michael aren’t here, and Lucifer started throwing things at me. I was just settling down to play Zelda when you two walked through the door.”

At the wicked glint in his eye Cas groaned. “Leave us alone, Gabe,” he warned, and quickly guided Anna past him.

Gabriel smirked. “Aw, such a spoilsport, Cas. Fine, fine, I’ll torment you later.”

Closing his bedroom door, Castiel sighed and apologised to Anna, who just laughed. “Relax, Cas, I like Gabriel. He’s funny.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to live with him.” He dropped his bag on his bed. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Do you have Coke?”

“I will go and check. Please, make yourself comfortable.”

He scurried downstairs to the kitchen, stumbling involuntarily when he caught sight of Lucifer rooting through a cupboard for something to eat. He stared at his brother, Chuck’s question ringing in his ears.

Suddenly, Lucifer stopped and turned, staring him dead in the eyes. “What?” he asked. Cas flushed, and he rolled his eyes. “Oh please. I can’t steal if it’s from my own home!"

“I… I wasn’t…”

Lucifer snorted and pulled out a Mars bar. “Then stop gawking. Or are you worried about the effects of one chocolate bar on my health?” When Cas didn’t reply, he snickered and pushed past, ruffling his hair jokingly.

He fixed the drinks up carefully, doing his best to drag his thoughts away from the War of Heaven, and hurried back upstairs to his room.

Anna was sat on his bed, gazing at something in her hands. She jerked her head up when Castiel opened the door, smiling when she saw it was him. “Why have I never seen this before Cas?” she asked.

“Seen what?” He set the drinks on his bedside table and looked at the photo she was indicating. He froze.

“How old are you in this picture anyway?” she chuckled. “You’re cute, that’s for sure!”

Any joy he may originally have felt at her calling him cute was too fleeting to be registered. He sat down stiffly beside her, resisting the temptation to rip the photo from her hands and stuff it back under his pillow. She’d seen it now, and he didn’t want to tear it. Instead, he swallowed, and answered his question. “It was taken when I was seven.”

“And your brothers?”

“Raphael was eleven, Michael ten, Lucifer nine, and Gabriel eight,” he told her in a monotone.

Anna tilted her head, frowning. “Where was it taken? I don’t recognise the background.”

He ran a hand through his hair, already fairly scruffy from Lucifer’s teasing. “A warehouse – look, Anna, I would appreciate it if you didn’t go through my things.”

She looked up, mildly horrified. “Oh, no, it’s not like that! I sat down and it fell out from under your pillow. I swear, Cas, I didn’t take it out on purpose.” She handed it back to him and he took it carefully, absently stroking its edges as he stared at it, trying to see it how she might. “It’s important, isn’t it?” she asked softly. Castiel nodded. “Tell me?"

She waited while Cas thought of the words, worrying that he might sound ‘corny’ or childish. “It was… it was sort of the last thing we did as brothers,” he began. “At least, the last time I remember us all enjoying each other’s company. Raphael’s friend, Uriel, took the picture, and gave us each a copy. I am the only one who kept it this long. When we returned home, our parents told us they were expecting a baby.” He smiled sadly. “I still consider it to be the best day of my life.”

“Eight years ago?” He nodded. “Cas, that’s… Why? You’re saying that nothing that good has happened since this photo was taken?”

“I suppose,” he murmured, and reached for his drink. His hand stopped short when Anna grabbed his wrist, and he looked at her questioningly. There was something about the way she was staring at him, a little crease forming between her eyebrows, that made his chest tighten and his stomach flutter. She looked… anxious, almost upset even. Did she care so much about that statement, he wondered? Was she sad that he was –

They were broken apart by the sudden entrance of Michael, whose eyebrows shot up as he registered their presence. “Oh! Um, I’m… not interrupting something… am I?” They both mumbled that he wasn’t, even though Cas was sure he was turning pink, and Michael relaxed. “Okay. Hey Anna.”

“Hey,” she replied meekly, tucking her red hair behind her ear.

“Don’t mind me,” the older Novak said as he went over to his desk. He rummaged around for something for two minutes, then headed downstairs again without a backwards glance.

Castiel let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding, pulling the photo from his trouser pocket and smoothing it out. “So that’s who the other bed belongs to,” Anna mused.

“Who did you think it belonged to?” Cas asked, reaching behind her to slip the picture back under his pillow.

“Don’t know – Gabriel, maybe?”

He snorted. “Gabriel isn’t neat.”

“Yeah, now that you mention it.”

“His and Lucifer’s room is constantly a tip. Neither of them bothers to clean it, much to Raphael’s frustration.”

Anna shook her head. “You guys really need a girl in this place. How did your mom cope?”

“She…” Cas stopped, and looked down. He didn’t want to admit it to anyone, but these days he struggled to remember his mother’s face. There were photos in the house still, but unless he was looking directly at them his memories of her were kind of blurred or inaccurate. He knew she’d always had this little phrase she’d use when her sons got particularly messy, and he could see her with her hands on her hips, but for some reason the words escaped him. He thought it might have been something along the lines of “messy little angels” or perhaps “scruffy little demons”. Either way, his failure to remember her in these moments upset him, as if by remembering her he could keep her alive somehow.

There was a gentle pressure on his shoulder, and he looked round to see Anna smiling sadly at him. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think.”

“You don’t have to apologise,” he told her firmly. “I just…” Just what? How could he explain this deepening sense of sadness and the feeling that his family were falling apart before him, and that he was powerless to stop it?

A couple of silent seconds passed, before Anna gently elbowed him in the side. “Come on,” she said lightly. “Want to watch a film? I rented ‘Leviathan’ before meeting up with you guys.”

Glad that she was no longer upset, Castiel agreed, and they spent the rest of the afternoon huddled side by side on his bed, first watching the movie on his laptop and then trying to explain possible subtexts of various parts to each other. They didn’t know how late it got until Raphael appeared, asking if Anna was staying for dinner. She thanked him but said she couldn’t, to Cas’ disappointment, and left a few minutes later. With Anna gone, he suddenly felt as if he’d lost something. He went and sat himself in the living room, hoping to be able to read his book peacefully, but Michael and Lucifer were arguing over which sport to watch on TV and kept trying to rope him into it. The debate carried on into dinner, ending only when Raphael yelled at them both, after which the meal passed in an uncomfortable silence that even Gabriel couldn’t break. Castiel was largely ignored. Finally, having cleaned up the plates, Cas decided that life at home was becoming increasingly dull and lonely.

***

“How was your day with Dean and Adam?” Castiel asked his brother when the latter finally came up for bed.

Michael grinned. “Well, Dean and Lisa couldn’t keep their eyes off each other, so Adam and I left them to it. Mostly.”

Being a younger brother, Cas recognised the twinkle in his eyes, one he hadn’t seen in a very long time. “What did you do to them?”

“Nothing much,” Michael said with a smirk. “Threw leaves over them, brought them ice cream, sang songs behind their backs. You know – the usual.” He didn’t know, but rather than saying so, Cas returned to his book. “How was your day with your friends?”

“Enjoyable,” he said. “We found the books I chose for our project to be very helpful, and we made a considerable amount of notes in one hour.”

“Right,” Michael said slowly. “Did you do anything… you know. Fun?”

Cas scowled at him. “It was fun.” His brother laughed.

“If you say so. What were you studying then?”

He swallowed, averting his gaze. “Angelology,” he muttered. When he dared to look up, concerned about the depth the silence was gaining, he was surprised to see Michael sat on the edge of his bed, watching him from across the space with a mixed expression of concern and sadness.

“You used mother’s books?” he asked, a half-statement really. Cas gave a slight nod and heard him sigh. “Cas, it’s been eight years.”

“I know,” he said softly. “Anna says I ‘hold on’ to things.”

“Why, though?”

He shrugged, wishing he could bury himself deep into the pages of his book or underneath his bed covers. “She was passionate about it. I couldn’t let that passion just… disappear.” He shifted uncomfortably, feeling the colour rise in his cheeks. “Besides, you and the others never wanted to talk about her,” he mumbled on the end.

“What?” Michael had barely heard him. “What makes you say that?” Castiel shrugged, muttering something about “avoidance” and “father”, and he understood. “You were worried about upsetting Father. I see.”

“Why did he leave, Michael?” he asked quietly, staring forlornly at the floor. “Was it… was it something I said?"

“No!” Michael said adamantly, rising from his bed to sit on Castiel’s. “Of course it wasn’t Cas – how could you think that? Listen.” He waited until his brother looked up, blue eyes deep with guilt. “Father left because he couldn’t deal with it, okay? First mother, then the baby…"

“Johanna.”

He swallowed. “Right. Well, it was too much for him, I guess. And you know how people deal with grief in their own way.”

“Our father decided to turn to his bottles and abandon his sons.”

“Castiel!”

“It’s true, Michael!” the younger brother argued, staring him squarely in the eyes. “If he really cared about anyone besides himself, why didn’t he stay and look after us?” Michael looked away, unable to even admit that he didn’t know. He understood why Castiel was angry, but he himself had never been anything but obedient to their father. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hate him. They sat in silence, quietly playing chase with their own thoughts, until Castiel hugged his knees, asking quietly, “Is he dead?”

Michael frowned and shook his head. “No,” he said, hoping he sounded more confident about that than he felt.

Cas huffed. “How can you be so sure?”

“Remember when you broke your wrist?” Castiel frowned. “You were three at the time. Lucifer had taken you and Gabriel out to the tree-house but the branch broke. While Mother took you to A&E, Father sat Raphael and me down and told us that he expected us to look after you when he wasn’t around.” Michael nodded. “I have always tried my best to keep you safe since that day. In return, Father promised he would never leave us, Cas, and I still believe him. He’ll return one day. Wait and see.”

Though he smiled at his younger brother, Castiel just rested his chin on his drawn-up knees, still looking troubled. “If you’re supposed to be looking after us, why do you and Lucifer keep fighting?”

Michael sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “We just wind each other up I suppose.”

“You never used to.”

He nodded. “Not long after Father left, Raphael was trying to get Lucifer to go to bed. He didn’t want to though, and made a nasty comment about him that I didn’t approve of.”

“What did he say?”

“That Raphael couldn’t replace our father because he was adopted.”

Castiel felt his jaw go slack, eyes widening involuntarily. The fact that he was adopted was a sensitive subject for Raphael, and to have Lucifer throw it back in his face like that must have been hard. He had never been told this story. “He did?"

Michael nodded. “I think he may just have been tired and upset, but that was the first time we went to bed angry at each other. Since then, things have… escalated, I guess. I still love him, Cas,” he added. “Don’t think that I don’t.”

Wondering if that love went deeper than a simple sentence, or even if it was reciprocated, Castiel simply nodded and claimed he was tired. He was awake long after Michael turned out the lights, though, thought whirling around a few significant people (the usual suspects, it seemed): Michael, Lucifer, his father, and Anna. His final thoughts were always on Anna, and when he finally drifted off to sleep it was with a familiar, dull-but-hard ache in his chest.

***

At school, his day started with a locker to the face. Well, more accurately, his face slammed into the locker after a deliberate shove, with a few choice words to accompany it. He repressed a groan, slinging a sharp glare over his shoulder at the culprit: a stocky, blonde haired girl named Hester, whom somehow he’d managed to annoy by not being her friend. It was childish, and after listening to Gabriel babble incessantly about a particularly farfetched dream he’d had last night during the journey to school, Castiel was not in the mood for a fight.

He turned to face Hester with a sigh, hoping she’d get the message. “What do you want, Hester?”

She smirked. “Hey Castiel, your books are on the floor.”

“No they’re not,” he said, having fallen for the old shoe-lace slap enough in his first year. Without warning though, Hester landed a round-house kick into his side, throwing him back against the lockers and making him drop his book bag in the process.

“Yes they are.”

A few nearby students were starting to pay attention. Some loudly commented on Hester’s un-ladylike behaviour, others called for a fight, but most of them just stared and whispered. Scowling at her, Castiel stepped forward to throw his own punch, but his heart wasn’t in it and she had him on the floor in seconds. The crowd gasped and jeered, but nobody mentioned calling a teacher. Cas realised he would have a small bump on the back of his head for a while, not to mention a pretty bruise from where she’d kicked, and managed to find the time to worry about Anna’s reaction. He blinked back to reality when he became aware of somebody else holding Hester up against the lockers – another girl, shorter and with long, dark brown hair. “Listen sugar,” she was saying, “I enjoy playing with the underdogs as much as the next psycho-bitch but do yourself a favour and leave this nerd alone, okay?”

Hester didn’t seem to know whether to be pissed off or scared. “What are you talking about?” she asked incredulously.

“I’m talking about you taking your cherry pie ass somewhere else before I decide to lay into it,” she drawled, adding darkly, “I love cherry pie.” Burning glares were exchanged before Hester pushed her off, skulking away without another word. That was when the girl turned to look down at Castiel, who was in the process of picking himself up off the floor, and smiled wickedly at him. “Well well, Clarence – not lost your mojo, have you?”

Cas stood up stiffly, brushing down his sleeves. “Hello Meg.” Meg Masters was Lucifer’s girlfriend. Small in stature, she made up for it with what Lucifer called a ‘hell-hound’ attitude, and after hearing about some of the things she’d done to people she didn’t like Castiel was glad to be in her good books. Granted, it had originally been only because he was her boyfriend’s brother, but lately Meg admitted to liking Castiel – hence the name Clarence. It was, he worked out, her way of showing him affection. That and protecting him when he needed it.

Watching him as he picked up his bag, Meg grinned. “What, no thank you for saving your hide just now? Or you just embarrassed about being beaten up and saved by two girls?”

He straightened up, the world spinning slightly as he did so. “Thank you for intervening.”

“Aw no worries, angel, I’ve been looking for an excuse to hit her for a while.” She looked him up and down. “Speaking of which, how come you weren’t hitting back for once?” He rolled his eyes, rubbing his side, and Meg smirked. “Don’t tell me you’ve got a thing about not hitting girls?”

Cas was about to ask her to leave him alone when out of nowhere his brother appeared. “Meg, I thought we agreed not to torture my kid brother unless I was around?” he chastised, slipping an arm over her shoulders.

“I’m not a kid,” Cas grumbled, but he was ignored.

Meg pouted. “Actually I was doing the kid a favour,” she told him. “Tell him Clarence.”

When Lucifer raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, Castiel sighed. “I wasn’t fighting back, so Meg… ‘stepped in’ –”

“Graciously,” she added with a wink.

“…on my behalf.”

“And you weren’t fighting back like we taught you because?”

“Gabriel sort of gave me a headache this morning. I’m not in the mood for fighting.”

Lucifer nodded. “Who was it?”

“Hester.”

He rolled his eyes. “Bitch has issues.”

“Tell me about it,” Meg agreed.

“Did he appreciate your efforts?” he asked her.

“He said ‘thank you’ and didn’t look too embarrassed.”

“Good enough for me then.” At that, they promptly started making out, Lucifer pressing her against the lockers where Hester had been held just a couple of minutes ago, both ignoring Castiel’s pleas for them to stop. Luckily, he caught sight of Anna down the hall, and after muttering a quick goodbye (and another thank you for good measure) he practically ran to meet her. She was watching the scene with curiosity, and pointed to the lip-locked couple when he caught up.

“Isn’t that your brother?”

Flushing a little, he nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

“With… Meg Masters?”

“Yes.”

Anna pulled a face. “Ew.”

“Slight understatement,” he muttered, and headed off to first lesson with her as quickly as they could. Chuck was there waiting for them, and that hour was spent discussing the outline of their angelology project whilst hurriedly catching up with the work they were really meant to be doing: a poem by English poet Wilfred Owen, something to do with the First World War. By the time lunch rolled around, they were still talking about the project, although Chuck was drifting off on tangents about making up some angel characters for the big novel he was supposedly writing. When he left to try and grab a computer in the library for research (though he didn’t say which project that research would go towards), Castiel was left in companionable silence with Anna, desperately trying not to stare at her hair.

Five minutes into this silence, Gabriel plopped himself opposite them where Chuck had vacated his seat. “Hey lovebirds.” Both of them flushed red and mumbled protests, but he ignored them. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything – although really it doesn’t look like I am – but I just need to have a word with my darling little brother here.”

Castiel scowled. “What do you want, Gabriel?”

“To tell you that Raphael said he can’t take you and Anna to the parlour on Friday.” As his brother’s face became positively horrified, Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “Oh,” he said slowly. “You haven’t asked her yet?” Cas’ brain seemed to have gone into meltdown, and he grinned. “Well. You can ask her once you’ve finished doing that fish impression. Very good, by the way! Laters!” And as quickly as he’d come, Gabriel was gone.

Once he’d finally finished processing what Gabriel had just done, Cas turned to Anna to explain. “A-Anna, I –”

“The ice cream parlour by Crowley’s All-Store?”

“Um – I guess.”

“Friday after school?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, well, yes. That is, if you’re available –”

“I am.”

There was a pause while he tried to regain his composure. “Good,” he sputtered, and Anna smiled.

“So we’ll each bring our notes and books, right?”

For a minute, Castiel was relieved – relieved that Anna didn’t think he’d chickened out on asking her for a date, and that his brother had tried to set them up in a fairly embarrassing way. And yet, he was also disappointed – disappointed that she’d assumed it wasn’t a date, and that he wouldn’t be asking her on one. So while his shoulders relaxed and he agreed quite happily, really, he could already imagine Gabriel kicking him between the eyes.

***

Castiel didn’t see Gabriel again until dinner. Michael said he’d been given a detention for prank-trapping the boys’ toilets, so not only did Cas have to stew in his own irritation without his intended target, he had to put up with the uncomfortable silence that seemed to generate whenever Michael and Lucifer were doing their best to get along. Aside from the occasional bickering over music, it was blessedly silent for once, and he eventually unwound himself from the unease between them. Still, he sent Gabriel a pretty ferocious glare when he sat down for dinner – one that nobody could miss.

“Uh-oh, Gabe,” Lucifer said as his brother sat down. “Looks like Cas has it in for you too.”

Gabriel finally noticed Castiel’s evil look and cringed. “Ah – did you get caught in the trap as well Cas?”

“This is not about the booby trap, Gabriel.”

“Me taking some of your lunch money then?”

He’d noticed that, but it didn’t bother him. “No.”

“The mushy peas I put in your shoes?”

“The _what_?”

“Nothingnevermind.”

“You set me up with Anna!” he cried, and everyone at the table paused with their food half-way to their mouths. Lucifer snorted.

“About time!” he declared, slapping Gabriel a high-five. “How’d you do it, man?”

Cas tried to intervene. “It’s not –”

“Well, I set them aside at lunchtime,” Gabe began, switching from ‘oh-shit-I’ve-been-found-out’ mode to ‘I’m-a-genius-storyteller’ mode. “There was already a bit of sexual tension in the air when I got there –”

“There was not!”

“– so I simply made Miss Milton aware of the fact that Master Novak had previously expressed interest in taking her beautiful young self to sample the delicacies of the local ice cream parlour. And possibly declaring his love for her.”

“I said that last year! And I never even mentioned the parlour –”

“Did she accept?” Michael asked.

“What?”

“You _did_ go with the flow, didn’t you Cas?” Gabe asked. “Otherwise my hard work shall have all been for nothing.”

Looking round at the table, and seeing that all eyes (even Raphael’s) were on him, Castiel sighed in defeat. “We’re going to the ice cream parlour on Friday –”

Gabriel whooped. “I am Cupid!"

“…to continue our English project,” Cas finished, allowing a small smile to show as his brother stared at him in disbelief.

“Aw come on!” he wailed.

Lucifer snickered. “Good job, Cupid.”

“It was a flawless plan! With anyone else, it would have worked for sure!”

“Yeah, yeah. Perhaps you should just stick to being the Trickster.”

“Ah yes,” Raphael said. “About that, Gabriel.” The ‘oh-shit’ persona returned, and the rest of dinner was spent listening to Raphael and Gabriel argue about the severity of booby-trapping the boys’ toilets, with Lucifer supporting Gabriel and Michael offering comment to either aid Raphael or provide a bit of wit to placate him. Either way, Castiel was once again ignored, until it came to clearing up and Michael questioned him about Anna.

“We’re working on an English project together, with Chuck,” he explained, slipping the plates into the dishwasher to avoid looking his brother in the eye.

Michael nodded. “But, you do like her, don’t you?”

Cas shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “We’re friends.”

“Castiel.”

He sighed, closing the door and finally facing his brother. “Yes,” he mumbled. “I might… like her.”

“But you turned Gabriel’s opportunity for a date into a study session because…”

“Because she doesn’t see me that way,” he said, shuffling his feet.

Michael rolled his eyes. “And how do you know that?”

“Anna thought I was inviting her to the parlour for a study session. She was the one who suggested bringing our notes. If she wanted to go on a date with me, would she really have mentioned school work?”

Michael shrugged. “Fair enough. But you could still have asked.”

He shook his head. “She would have turned me down.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do now.”

“Then at least make your feelings known.”

Cas gulped, the idea of doing so making him nervous. “What if I can’t? Or if she rejects me?”

His brother laid a hand on his shoulder. “Then at least you tried, and never spent your whole time together not knowing.”

He frowned. “That doesn’t sound very satisfying.”

Michael chuckled. “It’s not, but it’s better than letting her think you’re not interested when she may be as well. It’s about taking risks, Cas. Sometimes you play it too safe.”

He left Castiel to ponder over the statement, along with the promise of a ride on the actual day. His evening ended with some light teasing from Lucifer and an endless stream of thoughts revolving around Anna, swerving from ways to cancel the ‘date’ altogether to her reaction upon him telling her how he felt. He didn’t remember falling asleep in the early hours of the morning.

***

“What have you gone and done now?”

“Why do you always assume _I’ve_ done something wrong?”

“Because you usually have.”

“Bullshit, Gabe gets into just as much trouble as I do! And since when we were you a holy saint?”

“You said something, he stormed off. That makes it your fault.”

“Well how was I supposed to know he’d react like that?”

“You could have just kept your mouth shut for once."

“Ah – but then we wouldn’t know something was wrong.”

“That doesn’t make it any better!”

“Oh get off your high horse, Mikey.”

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

“Why, does it annoy you?”

“You bloody annoy me!”

“Ditto.”

“Well there’s something we agree on. Raphael will be thrilled!”

“Where are you – whoa, wait a sec! You’re allowed to talk to him but I’m not?”

“Not listening anymore, Luci!”

“You’re an asshole!”

From underneath his pillow, Castiel heard a faint knock. “Cas? You okay?” He heard the handle turn in the door, and reluctantly pulled himself into a sitting position as Michael let himself in. He sat next to him on the bed, giving him a light-hearted smile. “Don’t listen to Luci. You know he can be a jerk sometimes.”

Cas didn’t look at him. “It wasn’t something Lucifer said.”

“No? What’s up then?”

Michael listened to how Castiel’s date with Anna hadn’t gone according to plan. He’d taken his notes anyway, with the intention of suggesting they didn’t have to get them out. Unfortunately, he’d lacked the courage to tell her he didn’t want to study, and that was what they had done. Then their ice cream had arrived, and the waiter had dropped it over Castiel’s work. Then Chuck had arrived, effectively ruining any chance Cas might have had to properly ask Anna out. Anna’s father had called her early demanding she come home, and after awkwardly sitting in on the argument he then had to listen to Anna rant about how controlling he was before she left with just a “See ya, Cas,” and nothing more. Chuck had insisted on walking home with him, talking non-stop about a girl in philosophy class whom he thought he liked but was too chicken to ask out.

“Oh, the irony,” Michael snorted. Cas nodded, remembering also how Chuck had insisted on reminding him about the War in Heaven. “So what did Lucifer say, exactly?”

Cas shrugged. “He just inquired if Anna said no.”

His brother rolled his eyes. “He had to ask as soon as you walked through the door, didn’t he? Well look, he won’t say anything like that again. I’ll make sure Gabe and Raphael don’t either, okay?”

“Thank you Michael.”

He patted him on the back. “I’m sorry things didn’t go so well. Maybe next time, hey?”

“If there is a next time,” Cas replied glumly.

“Hey, you have to try again,” Michael insisted. “And I mean really try this time, Cas. No chickening out or letting people get in the way, alright?”

After that, Michael left him alone. Castiel spared a glance for his bag, thinking of the ruined notes inside of it. He shouldn’t have taken them; perhaps then Anna wouldn’t have seen it as a study session, and they may have been able to get Chuck to leave them alone. Perhaps then it wouldn’t have mattered that she had to leave early, and maybe she would’ve confided in him rather than ranted at him about her troubles. With a sigh, he flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling as another argument between his brothers started downstairs. He knew that Raphael stayed longer at college on Fridays, and Gabriel was probably at Balthazar’s to avoid listening to the disputes. He couldn’t hang out with Anna now, and he didn’t want to see Chuck again, but the last thing he was going to do was land himself in the middle of a Michael-Lucifer fight.

Hearing a door slam close by, Castiel sighed, reaching down and pulling the angelology book from his bag (mercifully, the ice cream had missed it completely). Settling himself against his pillows, he delved into the world of myth and legend, hoping the angels would come to his aid and help him escape.

***

Lucifer scowled at his laptop, waiting impatiently for the home screen to load. Michael had pissed him off – _again_. He hadn’t meant to upset Castiel like that, but the way his brother was going on and on about it anyone would think he’d sabotaged the date himself! And how could he apologise if the kid didn’t want to talk to him? Saint Michael had made it clear he wasn’t even allowed to do so anyway, so what the hell was he supposed to do? Send a telepathic message? He knew he’d get slated for doing it by email or text as well, but did Michael have a solution? No, of course not!

The smoke was still blowing from his ears when Alistair logged onto Skype. Sometimes Lucifer wondered why he bothered with Alistair – the guy was sadistic, unfriendly, and kind of ugly too. Not to mention he would do anything Lucifer wanted him to, which was sickening in itself. Although, he was a good way to vent out his current frustration, so he quickly messaged him about the unfairness of being treated like a delinquent at home as well as in school. Alistair offered to ‘make Michael regret it’, to which Lucifer furiously shot him down.

**Lucifer**  
 _You lay a finger on my bro and I’ll make you wish you’d never been born._

**Alistair**  
 _But you just said you hated him!_

**Lucifer**  
 _Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you hurt him._

**Alistair**  
 _Wth? How does that work?_

Lucifer frowned, sighing heavily and cursing under his breath as he realised what the answer to that actually was. It wasn’t just Michael, though. If anyone hurt any of his brothers, he’d gladly take them to Hell and back (figuratively speaking). Especially Castiel, he thought as he closed the conversation window. He might constantly tease and laugh at him, but his kid brother was something of a loner. Beyond that chick Anna and the nerdy guy with glasses, Cas didn’t have any other friends. It was why Lucifer had taught him how to fight, why he and Meg had threatened that psycho Hester after the locker incident. Thinking about it, Lucifer pitied his younger brother for a second, and considered going next door to give him a proper apology.

And that’s when the part of his brain that did everything it could to piss Michael off kicked in, warning him that an apology would be like handing his pride over on a golden plate. No way was he going to stand seeing that smug look of approval on his brother’s face! He had an image to maintain, and despite Raphael’s insistence that the name Lucifer meant ‘morning star’, he preferred the more common association of the Devil. After all, it gave him something to live up to, right?


	2. Icarus

“How far do you think I can shoot it?” Gabriel asked, the excitement all too obvious on his angelic face.

Castiel swung his legs absently, looking round the upper half of the warehouse as if trying to work out an answer. “I don’t know, Gabe,” he sighed, and his brother snorted.

“So guess!”

“Um… two metres from the window?”

“Pah! Bet I hit the window itself!”

Cas shook his head. “I’m not so sure.”

“Well, let’s find out then!”

From where they were sat on the old warehouse walkway, Gabriel pulled back on the elastic of the slingshot, being careful to avoid squeezing the paint bomb too hard. He squeezed one eye shut as he took aim, tilting the device upward slightly, before releasing it. Both boys watched the yellow blob soar in a graceful arc down towards the dirt floor, landing with a resounding splat and sending yellow paint in all directions. It was roughly two and half metres from the window.

“Told you,” Cas muttered as Gabriel whooped with joy.

“This is awesome!” he cried, picking up another bomb and reloading the miniature catapult. “Think this’ll make the first one go green?”

“Maybe at the edges,” his brother mused as the blue bomb followed a similar path to the yellow one. The resulting explosion made Gabriel clap his hands delightedly, and soon a red splat had joined the first two.

“Look – primary colours!” Gabe grinned. “I knew I was good at art.” He ignored the eye-roll the comment received and loaded a purple bomb into the slingshot. “Want a go, Cassie? Might take your mind off things,” he offered.

Castiel took the slingshot from him with some reluctance. Wordlessly, he pulled back on the elastic, releasing it a second after he’d pulled it to the limit. It went further than any of Gabriel’s had, and he handed the slingshot back to his cheering brother without a smile.

“That was pretty good!” Gabe praised him. “I bet Anna’d be impressed with that.”

“Maybe,” Cas said glumly, then quickly switched topics. “Isn’t Balthazar supposed to meet us here?”

Gabriel fired an orange bomb before shrugging. “Yep, but I don’t know what time. He’s been seeing this chick Rachel for some while, said he was going to see her first. For all I know, she could have tired him out for once.”

“I doubt that,” Castiel muttered, displeased at having to hear about Balthazar’s sex life again. It seemed like his name couldn’t be mentioned without the implication of sex following soon after.

“Speaking of, how’re things between you and Anna?” his brother asked, raising an eyebrow cheekily.

Groaning inwardly, Cas didn’t even bother trying to deflect the topic this time. “Oh, they’re okay I suppose,” he said quietly. “She’s been arguing with her father a lot, I believe, so she’s often telling me about how much she hates him.”

“You mean the girl has daddy issues too?” Gabriel shook his head. “Cas, she might as well be _made_ for you.” He yelped as Castiel punched him in the shoulder, then snickered and went back to slinging paint bombs at the floor. “So have you asked her yet?”

Cas fidgeted next to him. “No,” he mumbled.

Gabriel tutted. “It’s been six weeks since the ice cream, bro. Come on, lighten up a little! Be courageous!”

“You say that like it’s easy.”

“Fine then, how about this: Balthazar knows a lot about dating. Maybe he could be the Wizard of Oz to your Cowardly Lion, help you nab Dorothy. What do you say?”

“The Cowardly Lion was never interested in Dorothy,” Cas said with a frown. “And I thought you said that Balthazar generally skipped the dating part?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean he don’t know what he’s talking about when it comes to women.” Gabriel turned a mock-serious face to him. “If you think about it, you have three options: one, ask Lucifer and Meg, who will most likely laugh at you and tell you various amounts of bullshit before making out in front of you; two, try and ask Mike’s friend Dean about him and Lisa, or maybe even ask Michael himself about Lisa; or three, ask Balthazar, who has vast experience with plenty of women and has never been dumped or denied yet.” He waved the slingshot at him. “I know you’ll make the right choice, Cas. You’re smart like that.”

Which was why both he and Balthazar were shocked when Cas declined to choose option three, though Balthazar less so than his friend. “The kid’ll learn one day,” he said smoothly, ignoring the muttered protest from Castiel about being referred to as a kid. Instead, he surveyed the warehouse, raising an eyebrow at the colourful patch by one of the windows. “You do that spot of redecorating Gabe?”

Gabriel grinned, nodding proudly. “Course I did. You like?”

“Artfully done.”

He laughed. “I’m not finished yet! You want a go?”

Whilst Gabriel continued his redecorating with help from Balthazar (whom nobody would ever consider manly enough to wield a slingshot), Castiel made himself comfortable on the old crash mats underneath the walkway. Lying back on the cool material with his arms outstretched made him think back to the times they used to visit as a family, from the first time his brothers had brought him, on his fifth birthday, to the last time they had gathered with friends to celebrate Raphael’s success at getting into college. They’d had a portable barbeque, each invited a friend, and just chilled out. Lucifer and Michael had refrained from arguing for once, the food had been pretty good thanks to help from Adam, and at that time Anna hadn’t been constantly moaning about her dad. He frowned at that thought. He wanted to help her – he knew what it was like to feel conflicted about your father, and Anna sounded like she needed some support. All he could do though was listen. What good was that, really?

He texted Michael, asking for a lift home. No sooner had he pocketed his phone than it buzzed again. Cas’ heart jumped a little as he read Anna’s name, and he quickly opened the message.

**Anna Milton**  
 _U good to go park now?_

He answered without hesitation.

**Me**  
 _Yeah. Can be there in five._

**Anna Milton**  
 _Thanx._

If Michael was surprised at the sudden request to go to the park, he didn’t show it. Castiel thought he saw his brother grin when he dropped him off in front of Anna, and made a mental note to prepare for teasing when he got home. As his brother drove off, Anna grabbed his sleeve and pulled him towards a sheltered bench, and Cas could tell from her stiff movements that something was bothering her. When she sat down though, her expression stony, all he could think to do was sit cautiously beside her, lips sealed until she finally broke the silence.

“He’s such a jerk!” she blurted angrily, hands gripping the edge of the seat tightly.

Knowing implicitly who she meant, Cas felt his shoulders sag a little. “What’s he done now?”

Anna shook her head. “He found out about our project,” she said bitterly. “He doesn’t approve of it, of course. Says that angels are stupid and that it’s a waste of time studying them.” She shook her head. “He even tried to make me change it! Can you believe it? And if that wasn’t bad enough, he criticised my note making!”

“Oh,” was all Castiel could say, but Anna wasn’t finished.

“I mean, I’d like to see _him_ do better!” she near-shouted. “Sure, he got ‘fantastic’ grades when he was at school, but that doesn’t mean he knows better than me! Things have changed since he went to school anyway – you’d think he understood that! And it’s not like my teachers have had a go at the way I make notes. For all he knows, that’s how I’ve been taught! Although, knowing him, he’d probably see that as a reason to pull me out of there and stick me in a private,” she scoffed, folding her arms tightly against her chest.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably next to her. “I don’t think your notes are bad,” he said quietly. She turned to look at him, their eyes meeting, and he hoped she could see the sincerity in his face.

Anna groaned, her posture relaxing. “I’m sorry, Cas,” she said. “I’ve been dumping this all on you, haven’t I?”

“I don’t mind,” he said quickly, but she still seemed upset.

“It’s not fair of me to do that. Dad is my problem, not yours. I mean, it’s not like you don’t have family troubles of your own – you never complain about your brothers arguing, but I’ve heard them.” She glanced at him with concern. “They must bother you, right? Those arguments? And what you said a few weeks ago, when I found that photo –”

“I can handle my brothers,” he interrupted her. “If I had any problems with them, I… I would tell you.”

Giving him a small smile, Anna nodded. “Okay. If you say so.” He tilted his head at her, not fully understanding, and her smile widened. “I know you, Castiel Novak. If you have problems of any sort, you usually keep them to yourself for a long time before telling anybody. You’re an emotional hoarder.”

“An emotional hoarder?”

“Your brothers would say the same.”

He shook his head. “I doubt it.”

“Why?”

“Um, well…” Cas looked away, fiddling with a loose thread on the edge of his coat sleeve. “They’re never really there for me much. Raphael’s always at college, Michael and Lucifer are either fighting or avoiding each other, so are out of the house, and Gabriel’s usually avoiding both of them and hiding out somewhere like Balthazar’s. I doubt that they really know me anymore.”

“But you see them at school, right?”

“Hardly. And even then, all they do is tease me.”

Anna smiled wryly. “Well then at least they care enough to tease you,” she suggested, and scooted closer. “Listen,” she said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “no matter how often they do or don’t see you, I bet your brothers really care about you. I mean Michael talks to you, right? And I think Lucifer would stick up for you whatever you’d done. Not to mention Gabriel hates it when you’re upset, and Raphael surely wants what’s best for you too, huh?” Cas nodded, and she squeezed his shoulder. “Besides, if they ever let you down – which they won’t – then you’ve got Chuck and me to fall back on.”

He looked up into her smiling face, comforted by her words. “Thank you Anna,” he said. “The same goes for you too, you know.” Anna nodded and removed her arm from his shoulders. The cold air that replaced it was harsh and unwelcome, but Cas schooled himself and didn’t let his disappointment show.

They stayed under the shelter and talked about anything but their families. The more they talked, the more relaxed they both became, and Castiel watched and noticed when Anna started to laugh more, to tell more entertaining stories with eyes brightly lit and an almost permanent smile on her lips. Her deep red hair seemed to glow, wafting lightly as she became increasingly animated, and before he realised it their conversation turned into something largely one-sided and with a lot of staring on his part. Not that Anna seemed to mind; for once, Castiel was glad to feel like he’d helped lift her from her foul mood, and dared to believe that she’d called him to do just that. And although he was sad when her mother called asking her to come home, Cas made his own way back feeling just a tiny bit elated – Anna had left him with a lingering hug, and an invitation to go back to the parlour again, this time without school notes. As he slipped his key into the front door, he didn’t believe his day could get any better.

The silence, then, was a huge shock. For a few seconds Cas just stood in the doorway, straining to hear the whispered barbs or snide mutterings, but all he could hear was Raphael in the kitchen. He poked his head through, not expecting to see Uriel sat at the table with his brother. “Hello Castiel,” he said with a polite smile.

“Hello Uriel,” Cas responded as Raphael turned in his chair.

“Castiel,” he greeted. “How’s Anna?”

He gave a half shrug. “She still argues with her father, but I think I managed to cheer her up a bit today.” He glanced at the door to the living room, wondering if his other brothers were hiding behind it. “Uh, Raphael? Why’s it so quiet?”

Raphael smiled. “I had to have a word with Michael and Lucifer when Michael returned. There was an instant argument – something about a text message – and I told them enough was enough. They’ve both agreed to make more of an effort to get along, and I made sure to outline the consequences if they didn’t.”

Cas stared. “You mean… they’re not arguing anymore?”

“Well, not where we can hear them. Hopefully this truce will force them to work out how to get along, and Gabriel might actually start to spend some time at home rather than at Balthazar’s or Sam’s.”

“What did you say to them?”

Raphael winked and tapped the side of his nose. Uriel groaned. “You’ll be a mafia boss soon, Raph,” he commented.

“What would I do as a mafia boss? Sell off badly-copied paintings?”

“No, you’d take over Heaven.”

They both chuckled but the joke was lost on Castiel. He left them to their discussion – something about their father – and tentatively stepped into the living room. Nobody was there, however, so he settled onto the couch and flipped on the television. Some weird game show that Gabriel liked to watch (‘Nutcracker’ it was called) was on, but his mind was only half-focused on it. The other half was listening intently to the conversation his brother and Uriel were having in the kitchen, probably where they thought he couldn’t hear them.

“…thinking of giving up,” Raphael was saying. “I mean, it’s been so long, and I’ve gotten nowhere.”

“You’ve been busy,” said Uriel, his tone implying a shrug. “Your class-work’s important.”

“But this is family.”

“Yeah, but you’re no good to them if you can’t support them financially.” There was a pause. “Listen, Raph. I’d be willing to help you on a couple of leads. And there’s that hunter guy, Winchester, I bet he could help track a few people down.”

“I don’t think he’s that kind of hunter, Uriel.”

“Whatever – the point is, you need all the help you can get. You don’t have to do this on your own.”

“It’s been eight years. If he isn’t dead, why hasn’t he turned up yet?” There was further silence, and Castiel faintly heard a defeated sigh. The next words were so quiet he had to strain to hear them. “I don’t know what to tell them.”

“Tell who?”

“My brothers. Michael… he’s convinced the old man’s coming back, but honestly? I don’t think so. And he’s been telling Castiel that, too.”

“So just tell him straight,” Uriel suggested. “He’s not a child, Raphael. I think he’d be able to handle the truth.”

Raphael laughed shortly. “And yet he’s the one I’m worried about. Well, him and Castiel.”

“Not the other two?”

“Lucifer gave up caring years ago. Gabriel might sulk, but he’s a little more realistic than Michael. Yeah… Michael will just cling on to hope, and probably drag Castiel with him. I don’t think I’d be worried about the kid if he didn’t.” Another sigh, and the sound of chairs scraping back. “Course I have to work out how to tell them, too.”

“You’ll think of something.” Cas stopped listening as Raphael showed his friend to the door, registering the promise one made to the other to follow a lead.

So. Raphael was looking for their father. Castiel was a little shocked. James Novak had disappeared one night roughly eight years ago. They hadn’t thought anything of it for a day or two – he often just passed out on the way home from drowning his sorrows – but when he hadn’t come back for a third night, they had started to worry. The police had been told, and a brief investigation launched, but no conclusion had been made as to his whereabouts (or even if he was still alive). Castiel agreed with Raphael’s assessment of their reactions to this news, but he was torn in regards to the decision to stop the search. Like his oldest brother, part of him feared their father was dead, but another part of him, the part Michael had nurtured, still clung on to the hope that their father was just finding his feet before coming home to his sons. He wasn’t the kind of father to abandon his family. He just wasn’t.

***

The following week was surprisingly pleasant. Just as Raphael had promised, Michael and Lucifer weren’t arguing, making the journey to school and family dinners much more bearable than usual. Gabriel noticed too, and seemed to be in a lighter mood because of it, and even Anna and Chuck seemed pleased for him. Sort of.

“Calm before the storm, man,” Chuck warned him. “I still reckon there’s trouble ahead for those two.”

“Chuck!” Anna hissed, and he scooted away from her a little.

“My brothers aren’t going to follow the stories of the archangels, Chuck.”

Chuck waved his fork at them both. “That’s what you think.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “How can that be true when they probably didn’t even start fighting for the same reason?” she argued. “You really think Cas’ father made a species and told his kids to love them more than him?”

Unbelievably, Chuck looked to Castiel for confirmation of the story. Cas shook his head. “Then what _did_ happen?”

He sighed inwardly and pushed his uneaten food around his plate for a minute. This conversation would touch on painful subjects, but he shouldn’t have expected to avoid the topic with his friends forever. “They started fighting after my mother and sister died,” he explained quietly. “At first, it was just a series of petty arguments. Then our father left, and Lucifer got angry with Raphael for ‘replacing’ him, which Michael thought unfair. That was the first big fight, and they’ve sort of been at each other’s throats since then.”

“How long ago was that?” Chuck asked, despite the warning glare from Anna.

Castiel swallowed. His throat was dry. “If she had lived, Johanna would be eight years old now.” The statement surprised him as much as it did his friends. He’d never really thought about it before – he’d never thought much about Johanna, he realised guiltily. Were they together, he wondered, her and their mother? Was their father with them?

He must have looked upset, because after a deep silence Anna sent a meaningful look at Chuck, who quickly gathered up his bag and tray. “Um, I-I think I’ll go and find Becky, see if she wants to read this latest chapter,” he mumbled, and disappeared quickly. Once he was gone, Anna moved to sit next to Cas, nudging him gently.

“He doesn’t mean to be like that,” she said softly.

He agreed. “Once he gets an idea…”

She chuckled, and looked down at her lap. Her dark hair fell over the side of her face, and Castiel almost reached out to push it back behind her ear so he could see her eyes. “I’m glad things are better with your brothers, Cas.”

“Me too.” He frowned. “What about you and your father?”

Anna shook her head. “Not much change.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey guys.”

Both of them looked up as Michael sat down opposite them, a bright smile on his face. In his hands were two pieces of card, one addressed to each of them. “You two have been invited to the party of the of the month,” he explained as they took them, “hosted by none other than Adam Milligan, the birthday boy in question!”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Adam’s inviting us to his party?”

“Does he even know me?” Anna asked.

Michael grinned. “Of course he’s inviting you, Cas – and by default, you too Anna! Gabe’s been invited ‘cause Dean’s brother is going to be there, and Adam likes you, so there was no doubt about it.”

“Yeah, but me?” Anna said again.

“He didn’t want Cas feeling left out, so he asked me who out of your little threesome he would prefer to spend time with. I figured it’d be you.”

“Oh.” Anna blushed, the colour complimenting her hair, Cas thought. “Sure, I’ll ask,” she said, and Cas confirmed his attendance too.

“Sweet! I’ll go tell Adam. He’ll be really happy,” his brother chirped, and left them alone with bewildered expressions etched onto their faces.

“Did we just get invited to a senior party?” Anna whispered a minute later.

“Yeah,” Castiel breathed back. He watched as Michael passed on the good news to Adam, who gave them both a thumbs up before turning back to their friend Jo. He said something that made her smile, and Michael rolled his eyes.

“It’s this Saturday,” Anna said, reading from the invite. She looked up. “Wasn’t that when we were going to Chuck’s to do some project work?”

He shrugged. “Chuck will just have to come second. Besides, I don’t think he’s done as much work as we have. He can use that time to catch up.”

Anna stared. “Castiel Novak, are you shirking work to go to a party?” At his sheepish look, she shook her head. “It’s official. The universe has gone crazy.”

***

It was decided that Dean and Sam would take them to Adam’s. It was also agreed that Gabriel and Castiel’s attendance be kept secret from Lucifer, who hadn’t been invited. Obviously Raphael had needed to know, but Gabe pointed out that Lucifer would “probably throw a tantrum” at being the only one left out. So the plan was for Gabriel and Castiel to meet Michael at Dean’s with the pretence of Gabriel hanging out with Sam and Cas going to meet Anna. Michael didn’t need to lie about going to the party. It was sort of a given.

Cas liked Dean and Sam for different reasons. Dean was, at first glance, cocky and overconfident, but he’d shown on a few occasions that he could be sensitive and caring too – but he still had his flaws, like a temper and his obsession with pie, and to Cas that made him a well-rounded human being. Sam was like a ‘tamer’ version of Dean. Apart from physically looking very different (Gabriel’s nickname for him was Moose), Sam had a slower temper and liked to think things through calmly and logically. He didn’t tease Castiel like the others did, but he occasionally came across as slightly patronising and over-caring. Nevertheless, the Winchester’s were good people, and Castiel was happy to know them both, albeit through his brothers.

The journey to Adam’s comprised of two conversations: in the back of the Impala, Gabriel and Sam were discussing the most recent episode of ‘Nutcracker’, and in the front, Dean and Michael talked about Adam and Jo. Finding it hard to join in with either topic, Castiel merely stared out of the window, watching the neighbourhood roll by and listening to his oldest brother.

“No – getting him drunk’s a bad idea,” he was saying. “We don’t want either of them to regret anything, so they have to stay as sober as possible.”

Dean snorted. “You seriously suggesting keeping Adam away from the liquor cabinet?”

“Well, no, but at least stop him from losing control over his tongue.”

“For Jo’s sake or for his?”

“Everyone’s. Remember the baseball match?”

Dean paused. “Point taken.”

“I think the best thing to do would be to kidnap the DJ. We could hide him in a car trunk –”

“Hey, you keep my Baby out of this!”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I’m kidding, Dean. About the kidnapping bit, anyway.”

“What, so we just hijack the playlist and put something they both like on?”

“Mm, I was thinking more romantic.”

“Don’t put anything on that’ll make me puke.”

“Fine,” he smirked, then clicked his fingers. “Got it – play one neither of them can resist dancing to, and then play something romantic?”

Dean nodded. “Sounds good. When though?”

“Well we’ll keep an eye on them both. Stop them from getting smashed but let them get at least tipsy. Maybe nearer the end of the night, but before the cake and the speech.”

They finalised the rest of the details together, and Cas drifted out of the conversation. He was slightly envious of Adam and Jo in that moment; they were both so obviously into each other. No one-sidedness at all. Perhaps it would all turn out to be a ‘young love’ thing, but there was still the chance that it could become something much longer, maybe lasting a lifetime. Castiel wasn’t especially romantic, but the idea of spending all his time with Anna appealed even to him.

Adam’s party was already under way by the time they arrived. There were a lot of people spread out around his house, a few even Michael said he didn’t recognise, and Cas felt rather small among them all. Standing next to Gabriel helped a little (his brother was on the short side, even for a sixteen-year-old), but next to Sam – who didn’t stand out so much – he just felt more out of place. He passed up Adam’s offer of a beer, despite Michael promising not to tell Raphael. Gabriel had no such reservations, and Sam took a bottle with an excited look too. 

“You need to try something new, Cas,” Gabe told him. “You’ll never grow otherwise.”

“I don’t think beer will help me grow, Gabriel.”

Sam laughed. “He doesn’t mean physically, Castiel. He’s just saying you’ll feel more grown up.”

Next to them, Adam chuckled. “Hey, don’t let these two bully you into it, Cas. You drink beer when you want to drink beer, and anybody who tells you different is bad news.”

“What are you saying, Blondie?” Gabe asked, narrowing his eyes. “I’m his brother. I’m allowed to pressure him into early adulthood!”

“Whatever. You kids play nice.”

“We’re not kids!” Sam protested, but Adam was already gone. Rolling his eyes, the younger Winchester turned his attention back to the Novak brothers. “Hey, Cas? Wasn’t your friend supposed to be here?”

“Yes, Adam invited Anna on my behalf. She wasn’t entirely sure of the way, but I don’t think that she could have gotten lost…”

Gabriel smirked. “Aw, is Cassie worried about his little friend?”

Castiel glared at him. “No,” he said, but that was a lie. Anna was always punctual – she would have called him if anything was wrong. He was relieved, then, five minutes later when his phone vibrated in his coat pocket, Anna’s name flashing on the screen. Retreating to a quieter corner of the house, he answered it. “Hello Anna.”

“Hey Cas, I’m so sorry I’m not there right now. I’ve literally just left the house, so I’m on my way.”

“That’s okay. Um… may I ask why?”

He heard her sigh down the receiver. “My dad decided that I wasn’t allowed to go out tonight. We argued for ages until he grounded me and told me to stay in my room. I snuck out through my window. He won’t notice.”

Cas frowned. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to get into more trouble than you’re already in.”

“Don’t worry, I can handle it,” she assured him. “Anyway, I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

“Okay. Thank you for letting me know.”

Fifteen minutes later Cas was relieved to see Adam ushering Anna into the living room, and quietly slipped away from a loud, rather tipsy Gabriel to meet her. “Sorry it took me so long,” she said, giving him a quick hug.

“It’s not a problem,” he told her, marvelling at how cold she felt. “Didn’t you bring a coat?”

Anna shook her head. “I couldn’t get to it without being seen.” She was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans. “I’m fine though Cas. You don’t have to worry. Is there someplace we can just chill? I don’t feel like dancing yet.”

After searching the noisy house, they eventually settled at the end of the second floor landing, tucked away from most of the other guests. Fairly soon, they were chatting like normal, about angels, Chuck, school, and family. Anna revealed she was having more and more trouble with her father, who apparently believed that she wasn’t working hard enough in preparation for their final exams in a few months. Castiel happily told her that his brothers were still getting along – albeit in separate locations. If Michael was in the living room, Lucifer would be in the bedroom. If Lucifer was in the kitchen, Michael went in the study, etc. They both mused over Raphael, wondering what he could have said and why he had kept the search for his father a secret, but Castiel admitted he wasn’t too bothered by it.

“Raphael is right: our father has been gone a long time. I would be surprised if he turned up now out of the blue. Happy, but surprised.” He shrugged. “Truthfully, I’m just glad that my brothers are starting to act more like a family.”

Anna smiled. “I used to hate being an only child, but the way you talk about your family makes me glad I don’t have siblings!”

He frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“Well, yours always seem to be arguing, or ignoring you, or making you unhappy some other way. What’s so good about that?”

“They’re not always like that,” he corrected her. “Especially not now. And it’s like you said – they’ll always be there for me if I need them. If they hadn’t been there when my mother died, I don’t know what I would have done. I doubt I would be here now at the very least.”

Anna nodded. “I know how you feel. Sometimes I think you and Chuck are the only people who understand me. When I can get Chuck to listen, that is.”

“Have you tried talking to your father?” Cas suggested softly, knowing that it was odd for him to say so when he barely told anybody about his own feelings.

She scowled. “He’s never around to listen. When he is around, it’s only to impose himself on me. It’s as if he thinks himself God or something!” She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, but when she opened them again they were bright and lively, looking directly into Castiel’s. “That’s what I love about hanging out with you, Cas. I know you’d never make me do anything – not without asking first.” Anna laughed warmly as her friend turned a rosy pink colour and rubbed the back of his neck, muttering something about free will and choice. “Exactly,” she agreed, then added as an afterthought: “I think Chuck’s more concerned with destiny.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “He still thinks my brothers are going to end up hurting each other. The other day he asked if Gabriel was interested in becoming a mailman!”

They both laughed at the thought, and conversation turned towards Chuck and his ‘editor’, Becky. They didn’t realise how long they’d been away from the main party when Michael burst in on them sometime later, apparently mildly drunk and insisting they both come back downstairs. “It’s the grand finale!” he declared. “And you guys don’t want to miss Adam dancing!”

Castiel tried to decline. “I’m sure it’s hilarious, Michael, but we’re quite happy here –”

“Nope! No buts!” his brother cried, hauling him to his feet. “You’re both coming downstairs and that’s final!”

“Michael!” he protested, but Anna laughed.

“Come on Cas, what harm could it do?”

Outnumbered and outmatched, Cas relented, and allowed his brother to drag him down to the living room again where some space had been made to act as a dance floor. True to Michael’s words, Adam was already making a spectacle of himself, dancing horribly to a Led Zeppelin track (no doubt chosen by Dean) to the delight of his party guests. It wasn’t long before Dean appeared with a grinning Jo in tow, and after a bit of encouragement from him and Lisa she was soon in the spotlight with the birthday boy, also dancing fairly atrociously. It wasn’t long before they both collapsed in a fit of laughter, at which point everybody decided to join in and dance ‘Adam style’ around them. Even Cas was pushed in by Gabriel, and despite not being the most confident of shufflers he found himself having fun with Anna, who was throwing herself around in an accurate impersonation of Jo. When the slow dance came, though, they both stepped off the ‘floor’, and let the real couples have their turn. Dean and Lisa took centre stage, but they both whooped and cheered when Adam finally encouraged a flustered-looking Jo to the middle of the space.

Once Adam had been subjected to a loud and noisy rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’, people seemed to begin to drift away. In a slightly ironic gesture, he had organised party bags for every one of his guests, including balloons and party blowers. Some thought it childish and strange, but Dean assured everyone it was symbolic in some way. “To show he’s still young at heart,” he told Anna and Cas when they had to depart.

“I think that’s fairly obvious,” Anna said, looking pointedly over her shoulder at Adam’s monkey impression. Dean just started laughing drunkenly, so they slipped away from him and out into the night.

“You don’t have to walk me home, Cas.”

“It’s no problem,” he assured her quickly. “I think Michael would make me regret it if I didn’t, anyway.”

“How?”

“I don’t know – set Gabriel on me?” Anna giggled, and the sound sent a warm smile spreading over Cas’ face.

“You know, I actually really enjoyed myself tonight,” she admitted.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, I just thought it would be strange. Like, with just the two of us and all these older ones.”

“I’m glad you came,” he told her warmly. “I wouldn’t have enjoyed it if you hadn’t.”

“Sure you would,” she said, shooting him a wry look. “Dean treats you almost like a second brother, as does Adam. Besides, you wouldn’t have been totally alone.”

“Yes I would.”

“No you wouldn’t. You had Michael, and Gabriel.”

“And?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Castiel, your brothers _do_ care about you. I can’t see Michael just abandoning you at a strange party like that.”

“You’d be surprised,” he muttered.

“Would I?”

Yes, he wanted to say. Where was Michael when Gabriel started mentally torturing him when he got bored? Where was Michael when Lucifer and Raphael argued? Where was Michael when he wasn’t fighting with his brother himself? 

Cas shrugged, and Anna’s expression said ‘I thought so’. They continued the walk back in silence, and he worried. Why was she quiet? Was it companionable or not? He couldn’t tell. She wasn’t looking at him – should he be looking at her? Maybe he was staring again. Her hair looked amazing, all fire-red and warmth, shining underneath the light of the moon and stars the way a flare glows in the dark. In all honesty, how could he not – 

“Castiel?”

With a start, Cas stopped staring and focused instead on Anna’s face, the quirk of her eyebrow and the confusion and amusement in her eyes. “Uh… sorry. What?”

“I said I’m okay from here.” They were stood at the corner of her street, just underneath a streetlamp. “Thanks for walking me home.”

Quelling the sadness at having to leave her, he nodded. “It was my pleasure,” he assured her.

“’Kay, bye.” And that was it – with the briefest of smiles, Anna was gone, walking quickly down the pavement with her arms folded around her body, like she was cold. He stayed to watch her, but she turned round and waved him off. He only left because he didn’t want to annoy her, but when he imagined the exasperated smile that could have lit up her face behind his back, Castiel must have looked like a love-drunk fool.

***

Cas was reluctant to wake up the following morning. The house was quiet. Raphael must have been out shopping for food, given the time, and he doubted Michael or Gabriel were back from Sam and Adam’s yet. As for Lucifer, he was probably out with Meg and Alistair – which meant that Castiel likely had the whole house to himself.

He took his time getting out of bed. He read a little, played some music, then spent ages designing a perfect lazy-day outfit before carefully folding away the discarded items and dressing himself in the cotton shirt and jeans. Now just about ready, he ambled downstairs, mentally debating whether to go for pancakes or waffles – until a voice disrupted his thoughts.

“Hello, Castiel.”

Lucifer’s tone was cold, and unpleasantly so. Cas froze mid-step on the stairs, hand gripping the banister. Lucifer’s cold tone was never good. “Good morning, Lucifer.”

His brother smiled. “Have fun last night, did we?” Swallowing, Cas nodded. “Oh, good, good. You were with Anna, right?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, of course you were.” Lucifer rubbed his chin. “Tell me, Cas, who was it who invited you to Adam’s party?”

Shit. “I wasn’t at Adam’s party last night. I was with Anna.”

“Who conveniently happened to be going to Milligan’s birthday bash.” Lucifer gave him a soul-searching look. “I’m not going to be mad, Cas. Just tell me: who invited you?”

Perhaps it was the colour of his eyes, or the sharpness that seemed ever-present within them, but Castiel felt his skin crawl underneath his brother’s scrutiny. He knew Lucifer didn’t like being lied to – he didn’t even lie himself. But he’d promised Michael… But then if (somehow) Lucifer already knew… “It was Adam.”

“Did he tell you to keep it a secret?”

“No.”

Lucifer nodded slowly. “And Gabriel was there too?” Cas said nothing. “Fair enough. I’ll have words with him later.”

“Lucifer, you have to understand, we didn’t want –”

“Castiel,” said Lucifer, cutting him off smoothly, “I have no problem with you and Anna attending Adam’s party – or Gabriel, for that matter. But please just tell me one more thing: when is Michael coming home?”

The butterflies in his stomach flew into a frenzy. “Lucifer –”

“Castiel.”

The warning was clear enough. “After lunch. I don’t know about Gabriel, though.”

Lucifer smiled. “Thank you, Cas.” He turned and headed for the door. “If Raphael comes back, tell him I’ve gone to get my essay off Hester,” he called cheerily. Grabbing his coat from the hanger, he flashed him a wink conspiratorially.

Hester? Castiel shuddered once the door closed, deciding not to think about it. Lucifer wouldn’t go to Adam’s, but even so – his brother’s absence made him uneasy. What was he going to do to Michael? Perhaps, a hopeful part of him whispered, he was just upset about being lied to, and wanted to clarify what had happened. Or maybe he was avoiding Michael further… His thoughts reeled as he wandered into the kitchen, but standing in the middle of the floor so unsettled, pancakes and waffles suddenly seemed rather unappealing.

***

Saturday’s were never meant to be this awful. Saturday’s were meant to be full of fun and happiness, relaxation and enjoyment on a grand scale. Nobody wanted to spend Saturday sat on their bed trying to comprehend everything that had happened in the last hour.

It was eight o’clock. An hour ago, just after dinner, Gabriel had gone up to his room to play online games with Sam and Balthazar, and Raphael was getting ready to go out with friends from college. Michael and Cas had sat themselves in the living room, with the TV and a book respectively. Then Lucifer appeared.

“Hey, Michael, can I ask you something?”

He said it so innocently that both of them tensed up automatically. Michael shifted in his seat. “Okay,” he said tersely.

“Adam’s party,” Lucifer said. “Why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t invited?”

His expression didn’t change. “I though you might be offended.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Lucifer suddenly shouted. “You knew I wouldn’t be offended, so why did you keep me out of it?”

“There’s no need to shout!”

“Tell me the truth, then!”

“Fine!” Michael snapped, now just as riled as Lucifer. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be immature about it and gatecrash the night in some way! I thought you’d take it out on Gabe or Cas, so I was protecting them –”

“Bullshit! You just didn’t want me to know where you were!”

“Well maybe I didn’t.”

Lucifer swallowed, hard. “Is this what we’ve come to, then? Hiding from each other to appease _Raphael_?” He scoffed.

Michael stood up. “Raphael is our brother, Lucifer. We should respect him as we would the others!”

“He’s not our blood.”

“Stop playing that card! Do you have any idea how insensitive that is?”

“If he wants to help, he can start by not bossing us around like some high and mighty angel! Mother didn’t raise us like that!”

“He’s doing what’s best for us!”

“Oh yeah – forbidding me and you from speaking to each other?”

“Well I think this proves he has good reason!”

“For God’s sake, look at yourself, Michael! You’re eighteen! Yet you can’t seem to live without having some sort of fucking father figure!”

“Lucifer –”

“Face it, Mikey,” he continued more quietly, getting up close and in his brother’s face. “Dad’s gone. He’s not coming back, no matter how much you pray and whine and preach. So buck up, and get your tongue out of Raphael’s backside.”

Castiel had never seen Michael punch anyone before. Lucifer had taken plenty of swings at people, including his brother, but when Raphael burst into the living room to try and pry them apart Cas fled. He ran to his room, bolted the door, and pulled out his phone, dialling with shaking hands the only number he could rely on. “Anna!”

“Hey Cas.”

“Listen, I really need to talk –” He frowned. Was that a robot speaking in the background?

“About what, Cas?” Anna sounded weary, and suddenly very quiet as he realised there was a lot of background noise.

“Anna… where are you?”

“I’m at a train station.”

He blinked. “What… what are you doing there?”

“I’m running away… Cas?... Castiel?... Look, if you’re still there, then please don’t tell anyone we spoke. Delete the call from your history. Don’t text me unless it’s urgent, and any calls or texts I send you, delete them afterwards. I’m not going to tell you where am I, so don’t even try asking, but… I had enough. Of my father, of home, of being stressed and arguing. I finished my part of the project. It’s on my desk in my room… Cas, are you there?”

He heard her sigh, then hang up. He dropped his phone, and continued to stare at the floor, replaying her words in his mind and trying to make them mean something. One hour later, he was still struggling, and Michael was outside sounding worried. He didn’t want to speak to Michael. He didn’t want to see anyone but Anna, and now she was gone.

Gone. The empty, hollow word finally hit home with a thud. Castiel didn’t even notice the world turn sideways.

***

“Castiel! Come on, open the door!”

Michael leant his forehead on his arm, breathing out slowly through his nose. This was never meant to have happened – the fight, Cas fleeing, Gabriel threatening to run again… He clenched his fist. It was always Lucifer. Always, always Lucifer! And the worst part was that he couldn’t hate him for it.

“Cas!” he called again, banging on the wood. Silence was the only thing that followed, so he gave up and slumped back against it, letting himself slide. He listened to the sounds of Raphael trying to calm a distraught Gabriel, and couldn’t help but picture Lucifer in the background, desperate to comfort him himself. He, too, wanted to comfort Castiel, to assure him the peace would be restored, but his little brother obviously had other ideas.

With nothing to do, Michael closed his eyes and remembered a younger Lucifer, a Lucifer who wanted to be exactly like Michael and did everything like Michael. They were inseparable – Michael taught him how to play sports and tie his laces, how to use his knife and fork properly and how to type on a keyboard. He showed Lucifer the stars, told him about the planets, went to his first baseball game with him and explained the rules of chess a hundred times until he got it right. They told each other everything. They never lied. They smiled. They hugged. They laughed together… when was the last time he had laughed with his brother?

He dropped his head into his hands, digging his fingers into his scalp in some attempt to wake himself up. Castiel would hate them. Gabriel might get over it, dismiss it as a Michael-and-Lucifer thing, but Cas had been so excited about the ‘peace treaty’. The way he’d run from the room showed Michael how serious his actions had been, but now when he wanted to make amends Castiel was blocking him out; why? Didn’t he know that seeing him upset made Michael upset, too? When Raphael had yelled at them for scaring Castiel, both boys had stopped dead, then when Gabriel had opened the front door with his bag on his shoulder – 

Michael swallowed back the panic. Raphael was with Gabe. He wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how often he threatened to. Cas was the one he needed to worry about. Father wasn’t here to do that anymore, and Raphael wasn’t the right person to do so. It had to be him: he’d promised. He sent out a silent prayer, hoping for a miracle that would right this mess and bring their father home. When Father returned, he told himself, everything would be alright. It was just a matter of time.


	3. The Fall

Castiel stared at the streaky brown surface of his desk, not really seeing the patterned wood. His mind was elsewhere. It always wandered like that these days, but he found there was very little he could do to prevent it from doing so. School was now one big blur in his mind, as were the hours he spent at home – or away from it, as was sometimes the case. Chuck wasn’t much company, and not even Gabriel could rouse him out of his depression. But was it depression, he wondered. Cas could sleep, he had no trouble eating, he didn’t want to kill himself… but was wishing for things to be okay enough to be classed as depressed? 

Cas flinched as something sharp jabbed his arm. He looked round blearily, following the line of the pen to a hand, then up the arm to Chuck’s face. “Eyes front,” he whispered.

Blinking, he turned to look at the front of the class. A lot of people were staring at him – including Mr Inias. “Castiel,” he said, “please stay behind for a bit after class.” There was no anger in his voice, just a calm, almost flippant tone, but the looks on his classmates’ faces spoke volumes. The general opinion: ‘He’s in shit.’ Knowing he would have to pay attention now, Castiel resigned himself to waiting out the last ten minutes (he really didn’t understand what they were talking about), and when the class was dismissed he presented himself in front of Mr Inias.

“You wanted to see me, Sir?”

His teacher nodded, indicating that he should take a seat, and while Castiel sat himself at a desk in the front row he went and closed the door. “It’s come to my attention, Castiel,” he began, coming to sit on the table next to him, “that your grades and your work ethic have started slipping quite sharply lately.” He paused for a response, so Cas nodded. “Do you think you could explain why?” he asked, not unkindly. When there was, again, no reply, Inias added: “If you don’t tell me directly then I’m afraid I’ll have to phone home.”

Unintentionally, Cas scoffed. Inias raised an eyebrow, and that was that. “I don’t think anyone at home would care,” he muttered.

“Really? And why’s that?”

Castiel shrugged. “They know that’s how I am now.”

“Yes but _why_ , Castiel?” he reiterated.

“Why?” Cas looked up. “It might be something to do with the fact that in the last month two of my brothers haven’t spoken to each other, and I’ve refused to speak to them because of it. And there’s also the fact that Anna is still missing, and nobody but myself or her parents seem that concerned.”

Inias sighed. “Castiel, if all this has been affecting you, why haven’t you said something?”

He shrugged once more. “No-one wants to know how I’m feeling.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” he retaliated. “My brothers know their fighting upsets me but they won’t ask or try to make amends. Anna must know that her absence worries me, but she’s never called to see how I am. And it’s taken you a month, Sir, to ask me about my grades.”

The look of concern on Mr Inias’ face was almost scary. Teachers weren’t meant to get this involved – it should be family who looked at him like that (and Anna). “Is there anything the school can do to help, Castiel?” he asked. “Counselling, extra tutoring, extended deadlines, perhaps?”

Shaking his head, he stood up. “No, Sir. But thank you.” He neither needed nor wanted that kind of hassle, and he left as quickly but politely as he could. Luckily, Inias didn’t press the matter. Chuck, however, was a different problem altogether.

“You have to do something Cas!” he proclaimed at lunch.

Closing his eyes, Castiel repressed a sigh. “About what, Chuck?”

“Your brothers?” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “They’re heading down a destructive path. And if you don’t stop them –”

“I’m not going to ‘stop’ them.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because nothing’s going to happen to them, Chuck.”

“You don’t know that.” Cas tried to return to eating his sandwich, but his friend pushed on. “Look, I know a lot of movies and stories say that the future is unchangeable, that we all have a destiny, or whatever. But what if the future can be changed, Cas? If it’s not set in stone, your brothers may not have to –” 

“Chuck, I’m not speaking to Michael or Lucifer at the moment. In case you hadn’t noticed, they’ve sort of fucked up my life at home. Besides,” he added in a mumble. “I’m more concerned about Anna.” Why wasn’t anyone else?

Startled by the sudden outburst, Chuck turned mute as he finished off his lunch before quickly picking up his tray and declaring that he had to go to the library to meet Becky. If things hadn’t been so bad, Cas and Anna would probably have gossiped about that. As it was, she wasn’t answering his texts or calls. There had to be a reason, he told himself: she’d lost her phone, or it needed charging. She couldn’t possibly be ignoring him.

***

If being at school (where Chuck rarely stopped talking) was bad, then being at home was almost twice as bad. Here, nobody talked. Raphael would be occupied with his course work, Michael and Lucifer would childishly avoid each other, Gabriel spent most of his time at Balthazar or Sam’s, and Cas refused to speak to either of his squabbling siblings. That is, on the rare occasions they decided to try and talk to him. Nobody asked him about Anna, or how he was coping without her. Oh, they’d been concerned when he told them she’d run away, but just like with their father Raphael had given up caring, Michael was being overly optimistic, Lucifer decided neither of them were worth caring about anymore, and Gabriel became disinterested in the whole affair. 

So to say Castiel was surprised when Gabe came and sat down beside him that afternoon was an understatement. “Hey Cassie, what’s up?”

There were many ways Cas could have responded to that question, ranging from ‘my life is going to ruins’ to ‘go away you little expletive’. He couldn’t bring himself to say any of them though, so in the end he just shrugged.

“Right,” Gabriel said, sounding as if he hadn’t expected such a response (of course he hadn’t. He hadn’t even noticed Cas’ state of near-depression). “Well anyway, Raph sent me here to tell you that he wants to talk to you. Now. So come on – vamoosh!”

After glaring at him sideways to determine if he was being truthful or not, Castiel eventually complied and trudged upstairs to Raphael’s room. He heard laughter coming from Lucifer and Gabriel’s room, and wondered what Lucifer had to be happy about at all. Deciding he didn’t care, he knocked on his brother’s door.

“Ah, Castiel,” Raphael said as he slipped in. He put down the book he’d had open on his lap and stared at him from his chair. “Sit down.” He gestured to the bed, where Castiel sat a little awkwardly. Raphael’s formalities suggested this wasn’t an ‘I’m concerned about you’ talk, and he was suddenly nervous. “How are you doing at school, Castiel?”

Cas shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”

“Okay?” he repeated, and Cas nodded. “I see. Well, it might surprise you to know that I had a call from your head of year earlier today. He expressed some of his colleagues’ concerns that you aren’t performing to your usual standard of late, and was wondering if I knew the reason why.”

Cas gulped, wondering if he’d gone pale. “Oh.”

“As you can imagine, I was unable to help him,” Raphael continued, leaning back into his chair, “but I assured him I would ask and find out. So – why are your grades slipping, Castiel?”

And here was the perfect opportunity to tell someone who would listen and act. Raphael had looked after them all when their father left. He was barely fifteen at the time, still with his own life to try and live, yet he’d devoted it to his brothers – and, Cas now knew, trying to find their father. Amid all the pressure of being a father to his brothers (one of whom didn’t even want him to do so), having to keep on top of food and bills where possible, and still finding time to do school work, Raphael was one of the highest achievers in his class. He got into college on a fiercely competitive scholarship, and most of his free time was spent working towards his degree. He was the closest thing Castiel had to a father. If anyone could help him in this dark, dark time, it should be Raphael.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly.

Raphael raised an eyebrow. “Is it to do with Michael and Lucifer?” Meekly, Cas nodded, and his brother sighed. “Then talk to them about it. Tell them you’re unhappy because of them and that it’s affecting your school work. They’ll soon stop.” He turned in his chair, facing his desk and books once more. “Grades are important, Castiel,” he said, only looking up when he didn’t receive a reply. In a shell-shocked manner, Cas simply nodded, and when no more was said he left of his own accord.

Talk to them? Tell them he was unhappy? Why? If they cared that he was unhappy, they would have noticed. Michael would have said something before they turned out the lights, or Lucifer would have made an inappropriate comment before trying to rectify it. Hell, they might even have asked Gabriel to pull a prank somehow, just to make him smile! He fumed. Raphael hadn’t even considered bringing Anna into the equation. No-one had. They’d all just forgotten about her. In that case then, perhaps he _should_ talk to his brothers – both at the same time.

***

It took a couple of days for Castiel to formulate a plan, but as he dialled Lucifer’s number he was fairly confident it would work.

“Castiel?” There were a mixture of emotions in that answering word – worry, surprise, caution, and a hint of happiness with a slither of impatience. His brother was far more complex than people gave him credit for.

“Hello Lucifer.”

“I thought you weren’t talking to me?”

“I’m not,” he said, putting bitterness into his voice. “I want to go to the warehouse but Raphael’s being stingy and won’t let me go alone.”

Lucifer sighed away from the receiver. “Then ask Michael.”

“He’s not in.”

“Gabriel?”

“At Balthazar’s.”

“Raphael?” his brother almost growled.

“He’s busy.”

“And he can’t spare two minutes to take you to the fricking warehouse?”

“Apparently not.”

There was the distant sound of Lucifer cursing before he gave an answer. “It’s not happening.”

Castiel had expected this. “Why not?”

“Because I have a life too. As pleased as I am that you’ve decided to acknowledge my existence again, Cas, go pester Michael with your request.”

“He’s with Dean.”

“… And?”

“And I know you’re on your own.”

He scoffed. “Right. How, may I ask?”

“Alistair and Meg came looking for you five minutes ago. They didn’t know where you were. I figured you were in town.”

If Lucifer was surprised by this, he didn’t let it show. “Well maybe I’m busy in town. The answer’s still no.”

“Stealing is not a legitimate excuse.” There was silence on the other end, and Cas allowed himself a small smile.

“Fine,” Lucifer growled. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Twenty minutes. And if it’s any consolation, I called you last for that reason.” Lucifer ended the call without a reply, and Cas pocketed his phone. Part one done – part two was downstairs.

“Michael,” he said, standing in front of said brother a few minutes later.

Michael didn’t hide the shock on his face very well. “Yeah, Cas?”

He looked down at his shoes, shuffling his feet a little. “Can we, uh… talk?”

Putting his laptop down, Michael nodded eagerly. “Sure – what about?”

“Not here,” Cas said quickly. “I… I was thinking maybe the warehouse?”

His brother frowned a slightly. “Okay… can I ask why?”

He shrugged. “We haven’t been there a while, and it’s nice and quiet. We shouldn’t be disturbed there.”

Michael thought about it for a few seconds, then nodded. “If that’s what you want. Give me fifteen minutes to get ready?”

“Of course.” Part two done. Next was part three – the tricky part.

***

Castiel stayed silent for the car ride to the warehouse. Michael tried to talk to him, but he only answered curtly or in mumbling tones. He could tell it frustrated him somewhat, but it didn’t really matter. He was trying to work out every possible way the impending confrontation could play out. Most likely, he decided, they would both kick off at him, in which case he needed to come up with a convincing statement to keep them both there long enough to talk. By the time Michael turned off the engine, Castiel thought he had it.

“How far in do you want to go?” Michael asked as they passed through the entrance. Scanning for Lucifer along the walkway or in the corners, Cas suggested they go in further. Michael complied, and they moved through to the next space – where Lucifer stood, waiting. Michael stopped dead in his tracks. “Lucifer?”

Hearing his name, their brother turned, and his expression became something close to pure hatred. “Michael?” he spat in return.

“What are you doing here?” Michael demanded as he stepped forward.

“Might ask you the same thing.” Lucifer also moved a few paces toward him.

“You first.”

“Fine. Cas said he needed a guardian angel while he played here and roped me into doing it because you weren’t free.”

“What do you mean I wasn’t free?”

Lucifer sneered, “Apparently Dean is of greater import than your own family.”

“What are you talking about?” Michael looked perplexed.

“I mean the great and mighty Saint Michael has no time for his insignificant family members.”

“‘Has no time’?” he echoed furiously. “Do you know how much time I’ve spent picking up your messes Lucifer? Running around after you to apologise on your behalf to whomever it is you’ve pissed off or frightened this time?”

Cocking an eyebrow, Lucifer did nothing to hide his smirk. “Ooh, sorry for not paying you more notice, Almighty Mikey.”

“Don’t you dare –”

“ _Enough_!”

When they both turned to him, expressions saying they clearly forgot he was there, Castiel was pleasantly surprised that he’d been loud enough to get through to them both. The sensation was short lived. “Castiel,” Michael said, a frown drawing his eyebrows close, “what are you up to?”

“Did Raphael put you up to this?” Lucifer asked bitterly, and Cas shook his head.

“Not exactly,” he began earnestly. “He told me to talk to you both, but not necessarily at the same time.”

“Alright then Cas.” Michael put his hands on his hips, his mood frayed from the fight. “You got us here. What do you want?”

Mustering up the courage to look them both in the eyes, Castiel put as much force behind his words as he could. “To tell you that you’re both being idiots.”

“Excuse me?” Lucifer didn’t take well to that. Michael stayed silent.

“You’re both acting like children,” Cas continued, aware that he himself sounded far too young to be saying such things. “All this fighting, sniping at each other, refusing to even see each other – Gabriel and I want it to stop!” He knew bringing Gabe in would add an extra punch, and the message seemed to get through to Lucifer that little bit more at the mention of his trickster brother (who had effectively been his protégé). “Neither of you have asked how we’ve felt since your fight, but in case you haven’t noticed, your actions have deeply affected us.” It looked like they were both aware, but he told them anyway; “Gabriel hardly spends his time at home anymore. He stays with Balthazar, sometimes Sam, but never us. I’ve had no-one to talk to about Anna –” He hoped they hadn’t heard the slight hitch in his voice at her name, and continued. “Raphael’s upset too. He may not show it, but he’s just as fed up with your fights as we are.” Looking between them pleadingly, wondering if this speech was all in vain, he asked: “Are you both going to remain the selfish, uncaring individuals you are now, or will you forgive each other, if not for yourselves then for the sake of your family?”

His words stung, and he knew it. Michael flinched slightly, upset about being called uncaring. Lucifer, too, seemed saddened that he, Castiel, was calling him such a thing. He’d been called worse by others, but none of them knew him like his brother; Castiel had used this fact to his advantage. He was their little brother, the one they teased the most, the one they never argued with. They hated upsetting him, and he’d played heavily on that. Maybe too heavily, but it was working.

Lucifer was the first to speak. “How do you propose we do that?” he said slowly, his voice still laced with bitterness. “Raphael’s ‘truce’ didn’t exactly go well.”

Michael scowled at him. “It did until you broke it.”

“You lied –”

“Stop,” Cas interrupted wearily. “This is why I brought you both here. You’re going to talk – the two of you – about when it all went wrong. Why it all went wrong.”

There was a snort. “Like a family counselling session?” Lucifer asked, unimpressed by the idea.

Cas nodded. “I suppose so.”

They shared a glance, the first non-angry one in a long, long time (though the resentment was still there). Finally, Michael sighed. “Okay,” was all he said, then he led the way up to the walkway cutting across the middle of the space. Castiel felt a surge of delight and anticipation. Part three had been successful. Part four was only just beginning.

***

Watching his legs swing above the warehouse’s concrete floor, Castiel considered again voicing his disappointment in his brothers. Half an hour had passed since they settled on the walkway, and nothing had happened. Lucifer was stood by one window, arms folded, expression stormy, and Michael was stood at the opposite end, hands in pockets, glowering across the space. Somehow, Cas had ended up sat in the middle of them, hanging his legs off the platform’s edge and waiting for something to happen. 

Eventually he couldn’t bear it any longer, and rolled his eyes. “It was Johanna,” he said, feeling their gazes switch from cross to confused and shift onto him. “When it all began,” he elaborated.

There was a brief pause. “He’s right,” Michael said softly.

“After she and Mother died,” Lucifer added.

Michael looked up, and Cas could see the pain flicker in his eyes. “Do you remember what she looked like?” He wasn’t talking about their mother.

Meeting his brother’s eyes with an equal measure of sorrow, Lucifer nodded. “Do you?”

He swallowed. “Just.”

Cas thought he saw a smile at the edge of Lucifer’s mouth. “You cried for weeks afterwards,” he said.

Michael stared at him. “I was twelve, Lucifer. What did you expect?”

“I expected you to tell me they were alive.” The revelation shocked both Michael and Castiel. They stared at their brother, who had built up a reputation as heartless because of his name alone, waiting to hear more. Reluctantly, he continued. “You were always the strong one, Michael. The one I’d go to if something was wrong. You looked after me, you taught me everything I know, showed me things neither of our parents ever did. You told me how to solve problems, how to make myself feel better after being down. So when you… so when you broke, I…” Seemingly embarrassed, Lucifer stopped and looked away, letting the silence speak for itself.

“So all those tantrums,” Michael said, “all those times you snapped at me for no reason – you were just disappointed?”

“I didn’t like being disappointed,” he admitted, then gave a shrug. “So I turned it into anger.”

Michael shook his head, but there was a fondness to the gesture. “You always knew how to be angry.”

“Father taught me that,” he said ruefully. Cas’ stomach twisted at the sudden reference, and he glanced to his other brother to see the reaction.

Michael’s face fell. “Don’t blame him for this,” he pleaded. “He probably had a harder time than we did. Unlike us, Lucifer, he didn’t have anyone to turn to. He couldn’t talk to his friends, he couldn’t talk to us, he even gave up talking to the counsellors. He never meant to get angry.”

“But he did,” Lucifer said flatly. “And look what happened.”

“We all found it tough,” Michael reassured him, now making his way across the walkway towards his brother. Castiel twisted round to watch. “Perhaps you didn’t see it, but we all grieved in different ways. And that meant we grieved alone.” His head dipped slightly, and he shook his head. “We shouldn’t have done that,” he whispered, seemingly to himself.

“How would you have done it, then?” Lucifer challenged. “How should we have grieved?”

“Grieved?” Michael frowned. “For starters, we should all have attended the funeral, not just Raphael. It would have helped if we had talked to each other more, been more supportive. Convinced Father to talk.”

“Hidden his beer?”

A dark smirk. “Perhaps.”

“That’s all very well and good, Michael,” Lucifer said, walking around his brother and past Castiel in the middle, “but why didn’t you say so back then?”

Cas imagined Michael rolling his eyes. “I was younger then, Lucifer. I was upset, I was trying to be responsible. I didn’t have the time or the courage to tell my family how to grieve. Besides,” he added, turning to face Lucifer’s back. “Would you honestly have listened to me?”

To their surprise, Lucifer turned back to him with a hurt look. “Yes,” he said, sounding offended that the question had even been asked. “Of course I would have. I loved you, Michael – I still do!”

Without a doubt, Castiel believed Michael was thinking the exact same thing he was at that statement: Lucifer never lies. “I love you too, Lucifer,” he agrees, “but I don’t understand why you have to be so disobedient all the time. It’s frustrating –”

“Disobedient?” Lucifer blinked. “That’s a bit… militant, don’t you think?”

Michael frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean there you go again, always thinking like a military commander, someone who has to be in control. Why do you do that?” Inadvertently, Castiel found himself thinking about the archangel Michael, who had more or less been an army commander himself. Chuck’s words of warning pushed themselves to the forefront of his mind, and he had a hard time pushing them away again. 

“I don’t think like a commander.”

“Then why did you say I was disobedient?”

“Because you are! When Raphael told you to –”

Lucifer threw his hands up. “Why does this always keep coming up?”

Michael grew annoyed. “What you said to him was wrong, and you still haven’t apologised.”

He shook his head. “Raphael doesn’t even act like a father to us anymore. What would be the point in apologising?”

“He’s our brother!” argued Michael. “That means something to you, I know it does!”

“Raphael is less bothered about this than you.” Lucifer shook his head. “Why can’t you just get over it?”

“Because I believe that if you hadn’t said that to him he wouldn’t have become so obsessed with work!”

Before Castiel could work out what was happening, Lucifer was responding. “You’re blaming _me_ for his lack of attention towards us?” he cried.

“Among other things, yes,” his brother snapped.

“How could you say that?”

He shrugged. “You hate being lied to. You made that pretty clear last month!”

“Hey, _you_ punched _me_!”

“The truce was working! You were just looking for an argument!”

“Oh, is that what you tell yourself?”

“Just like you tell yourself you’re named after the devil?”

“No, don’t you start –”

“It means _morning star_ , Lucifer! Do you really think our parents were so sadistic as to name you after the devil?”

“He was an archangel too, you know!”

“That’s not my point – you knew your namesake but you told people something else so that you could create a reputation for yourself; now you fit that persona, and whenever one of us tries to put you in line, you rebel. If that’s the case, then fine, walk out of the family! I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I was the one who ended up sending you to prison!”

And suddenly Castiel could see his plan going wrong. They were arguing, not forgiving, and it had just become explosive. As soon as he realised that it was going to get physical, Cas didn’t think – he leapt up from where he sat, running as Lucifer charged towards Michael, and putting himself in the middle of them both.

“ _No_!”

Castiel felt Lucifer try to grab Michael around him. The force of both of them running at him, together with Lucifer’s fury, made Michael stumble back against the glass – which shattered; and without warning, they were flying again, and Cas was seven years old, feeling the rushing air catch and pull at his clothes and hair. Only this time, it wasn’t exhilarating, and there was no soft landing to look forward to. He couldn’t even see the ground racing to meet him, but he was gifted one final moment of surprise when it did so sooner than expected. Then he was introduced to darkness.

***

Cas was asleep. He was warm. He felt rather uncomfortable. His entire body ached. He could hear muffled sounds. He didn’t normally lie like this. In fact, it felt like he was in the recovery position. Frowning, he tried to roll out, but something behind him prevented him from doing so. What felt like a hand patted his shoulder.

“…lance is here. Can you hear me? Castiel?”

The muffled sound cleared, and it seemed familiar. Light and quirky. Another sound penetrated his foggy state, sharper and longer, and something flashed in his darkened vision. Something bright. What was so bright? Slowly, he cracked open his eyelids, twisting his neck to see who the hand belonged to. 

“Gabriel?” he croaked. Through hazy vision, he saw his brother’s face, pale white against the almost black sky, flood with relief.

“Oh, thank god!” he breathed. He rubbed Cas’ shoulder, reassuring him whilst keeping him on the floor. “Everything’s going to be fine, Cas; the ambulance is here, they’ll look after you now.”

Shivering, Castiel tried to piece together what had happened for him to end up like this. “Where… where am I?”

“You’re at the warehouse, Cas.” Briefly, Gabriel’s face lit up an iridescent blue colour. Confused, Castiel just blinked at him. “You were here with Michael and Lucifer.” His brother’s tone was serious – too serious. When he paused to give Cas some time to process his words, other sounds behind him started to become more prominent: people talking, someone moaning, a radio, the sound of an engine perhaps? And why was it so dark all of a sudden – and so cold? “What happened Cas? How did you all end up like this?”

Castiel frowned at the question. “I don’t know…”

Heavy footsteps dominated everything temporarily, then a stranger appeared and crouched over him. He began asking questions – he asked Castiel questions, he asked Gabriel questions, then after shining a light into his eyes, he gently encouraged Castiel to sit up. Something was wrapped around him, and as Gabriel moved out of the way Cas finally turned to get his bearings – and remembered everything.

A short way away, by the compound security fence, many figures like the one looking after him were crouched over two bodies being moved onto stretchers: Michael and Lucifer. Next to Lucifer was Raphael, dark face unreadable amidst the work of the paramedics (he had worked out who they were now), and close to Michael stood Dean and Sam. Dean looked worried. Sam was watching Castiel and Gabriel, sending Cas a tight and weary smile when their eyes met. But Cas barely noticed it. Michael, Lucifer… they didn’t look in good shape. The stretchers said enough; the haste of the paramedics said it all. They both had braces strapped around their heads, bodies kept secure on the stretchers by thick looking black bands. As they were swallowed up by the ambulance one after the other, with Raphael following quickly behind, Castiel felt sick to his stomach.

“Don’t worry Cas,” he vaguely heard someone – Gabriel? – say. “They’re safe now, they’re alright. Everything’s going to be okay. They’ll be fine.”

***

They weren’t fine. Michael died thirty minutes into surgery from internal bleeding. Lucifer died in the ambulance from extreme blood loss. The paramedics and surgeons had, as usual, done all they could to save them, but to no avail. Castiel just had a sore back. Somehow, that felt wrong.

***

The car ride back was like a passing dream. Raphael drove, despite it being Dean’s Impala. It had been an ugly agreement – Dean initially refused to let Raphael even look at the driver’s door, and when Raphael pointed out how close he was to tears a glaring match ensued. It was only Sam’s subdued tone that made Dean relent, but Castiel thought he probably knew it was the right decision. He may deny it, but Dean was an emotionally complex man. At least, that was what Michael said.

Cas glanced across the backseat of the Impala. Gabriel was next to him, in the middle, hands loosely hanging between his legs, eyes focused on nothing as if he were in some kind of trance. Sam sat on the other side of him, expression suggesting deep, possibly troubling thoughts were keeping him occupied. There was no way Dean was talking, and he doubted anything Raphael could say would be a comfort. He knew who would be able to comfort him, but she wasn’t here. Later, he decided he would ring her, regardless of her warnings. He hadn’t texted her in a while anyway; he didn’t want her to think he’d stopped worrying.

Raphael offered to drive Dean and Sam back once they were home, but Dean couldn’t even be swayed by Sam this time. It would also be inconvenient for Raphael, who would have to walk home, yet Castiel wondered if that was what his brother had been thinking of. Regardless, Raphael stayed. Dean and Sam left, and with barely a word to each other the Novak siblings agreed to go to bed. Alone in his room at last, Castiel changed quickly before pulling out his phone. He dialled her number and waited.

“Hi, it’s Anna. Can’t pick up right now ‘cause either I’m busy kicking a vampire’s ass or my battery’s dead. Either way, leave a message after the – no you don’t, _bloodsucker_!”

The message tone sounded, but Cas was left temporarily speechless. That was the first time he’d heard her voice in too long. “Anna. I want – I need to talk to you. It’s… Michael and Lucifer. They’re… They’ve died.” As he said it, something cracked inside him. Fighting against the sobs that threatened to consume him, he carried on. “And it’s my fault,” he whispered. He sniffed, rubbing a fist against his eyes when they started to itch. “It’s my fault, and I… I just need someone I can trust to… I need your advice, Anna,” he finished quietly. “I want to hear your voice.”

Castiel hung up. He switched out the bedroom light, lay down in his bed and stared at the empty one opposite, wondering what Raphael and Gabriel were doing. Perhaps Gabe was doing the same as him. Either way, Michael’s words to Lucifer about grieving echoed about his mind, and he couldn’t help but feel he would be disappointed now. The room felt much colder when he was on his own, and later on as he tried to sleep his half-waking dreams were comprised of memories of happier times.

***

They were playing Pictionary. Lucifer was drawing for Michael and Cas was for Gabriel, and for the latter team, it wasn’t going so well.

“Bicycle!” Gabriel shouted. “Spanner! Wrench! Tyre swing! Car! Glasses! Harry Potter! Owl! Dinosaur!”

Meanwhile, Michael watched intently as Lucifer drew quickly, and when he was done he held it out for his brother to see. “Weighing scales!” Michael grinned.

“Aw!” Cas whined, dropping his pencil and pad. “Gabriel!”

“What?” Gabe asked as their opponents hi-fived. “It’s not my fault you suck at drawing.” Cas stuck his tongue out, but Gabriel ignored him in favour of a chocolate bar.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas,” Michael assured him. “You’ll get better one day. Lucifer couldn’t draw very well when he was four, either.”

“Yeah I could!” Lucifer pouted.

Castiel gazed at Michael. “Will I get better when I’m six then?”

“Of course you will,” he said, and Castiel beamed.

Next to him, Gabriel’s eyes lit up. “Hey, look!” he chirped, and reached for the sand timer before holding it under his nose. “It’s a sand-tache!” Though it really wasn’t anything remarkable, it was the funniest thing the four boys had seen all day. They showed it to Raphael when he came back from the doctors, and he claimed it made him feel much better. Castiel and Gabriel never won Pictionary, but that didn’t mean it was never any fun.

***

The next day was hard. Raphael and Gabriel wanted to know the details. He asked them how they had known where to find him, but they told him he had phoned home. Castiel didn’t remember doing so, and consequently feigned memory loss of any other details. In truth, he didn’t want to discuss it. Raphael would be mad, he knew it, and Gabriel would never forgive him.

When their brother suggested they move in to one room together, both Gabriel and Castiel refused to touch either Lucifer or Michael’s belongings. It would feel like forcing them out, Gabriel said, and neither he nor Castiel wanted to forget how they liked things: Michael’s neatly organised desk, Lucifer’s haphazard bookshelf; Michael’s family photos, Lucifer’s posters; the list was long. Raphael backed down, but Cas wondered if he wouldn’t try again one day.

School was out of the question, they agreed. Castiel knew he would never get anything done, and he would rather catch up on work away from other people if he had to – even Chuck. Especially Chuck. Part of him felt bad for leaving his friend in the dark, but it wasn’t like Anna had planned on telling him she was leaving. He called her again (several times), but she never answered. Perhaps it was a blessing that she didn’t appear in his dreams so much. Sleep was hard enough with memories of his brothers.

***

“Hey Cas, look!”

Castiel looked up as his brother dunked his fishing net into the red bucket, then crouched down and pointed to the small creature wriggling around at the bottom. “It’s a newt!”

Cas frowned at it. “What’s a newt?”

Lucifer stuck his finger in, grinning as the newt tried to swim away. “This is a newt. They’re like… lizard fish.”

“Haven’t you learnt about them in school?” Michael asked from behind him. “Mr Tran found some in the pond.”

“Can I touch it?” he asked, twisting round to look over his shoulder at his older brother.

“Why are you asking me?”

Taking that as a yes, Cas turned back to the bucket and stuck a finger into the dirty water, startling the newt and beginning a small game of chase round the bottom of the container. “Eew!” he cried when he finally got a touch. “It’s all slimy!”

“What is?” Raphael asked, setting his own larger bucket beside a laughing Lucifer. “Oh, you caught a newt Cas?”

“No, I did!” Lucifer cried. “Cas is five – he can’t catch a newt!”

“Why not?” he asked.

“You’re too young.”

“No he isn’t,” Raphael said. “Michael, where’s Gabriel?”

“He went into the forest. He needed a wee.”

Raphael nodded. “Okay. Dad says we can’t stay for too much longer.”

“Aw, why not?” Lucifer whined.

He gestured to his bucket, which was full and smelt funny. “Because we caught a lot of fish. The second tub is nearly full.”

“Are we going to have fish burgers?” Michael asked eagerly.

“I hope so!”

Lucifer’s face lit up. “Will Mom make her special sauce?”

“Yeah special sauce!” Castiel joined in, looking to Raphael hopefully.

“I don’t know,” his brother said. “Let’s go and ask Dad now. Look, there’s Gabriel – Gabe! We’re going to find Dad now, hurry up!”

Gabriel skidded to a stop in front of them, out of breath and grinning. “Guys, look!” He held something up to his nose. “It’s a worm-stache!”

***

It was the night before the funeral when Gabriel knocked on his door (just his door now, not his and Michael’s). “Hey,” he said, poking his head inside. “Can I come in?” Cas nodded from the bed, and said nothing as his brother sat next to him. After a few seconds of silence, Gabriel nudged him in the side, then took a pencil off his desk and held it above his top lip. “Pencil-stache,” he said, and Cas smiled.

“I always preferred the worm-stache.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Gabriel returned the pencil, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Raphael says we can drop something on to the coffins if we want.”

Cas nodded. “I know.”

“Want to see what I’m putting in?” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a chocolate bar wrapper and a thick Happy Birthday badge. He held up the wrapper. “It’s not the original, but this was the first chocolate bar that Michael introduced me to, and this,” – he waved the badge – “this was a badge Lucifer got me for my seventh birthday. It squirted water at people.” He gave a wry smile. “It doesn’t any more, but I loved it. It’s what got me into practical jokes.” Cas watched him for a moment as his thumb stroked the edge of the plastic disk, seeing a familiar look in his eyes. It was often the look Gabriel got when he was considering leaving, a deep frown that spoiled his youthful features and made Castiel worry. For a second, he wanted to fiercely wrap his arms around his brother and prevent him from leaving, to tell him he was sorry for causing this… tragedy. But before he could make his limbs move, the frown was gone, and Gabriel was serene as he turned to look at him again. “How about you? What Are you putting in?”

Castiel reached under his pillow. He’d thought of it the instant Raphael mentioned doing such a thing, and hadn’t considered anything else. Though it wasn’t as personal to either brother specifically, it meant a lot to him, and if they were watching him like he so often wanted to believe, then maybe they would know why now, and appreciate it too. “I’m going to make two copies of this,” he told Gabriel, who stared at the picture as if it was a piece of impressionistic art.

“I remember this,” he gasped. “That was… that was nearly nine years ago. Have you kept it all this time?”

Cas nodded. “It’s my favourite picture of us. Nobody else seemed to keep theirs, and I was worried it would get damaged if I didn’t keep it safe.” He reluctantly handed it over to his brother’s waiting fingers. 

Gabriel stared at it long and hard, brushing his fingertips over first Michael, then Lucifer. He smiled sadly. “They look so young.” He gave it back, then after a beat surprised Castiel by saying, “Make it three copies.”

“Three?”

“Yeah. One for Michael, one for Lucifer, and one for me.” Castiel promised he would, and Gabriel thanked him. “So is that all, then?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I mean, I do have a favourite memory of both Michael and Lucifer, but I believe they spent too much time apart recently.” He ran his fingers over the surface of the picture, taking in the smiles on all their faces. “This way, it’s as if we’re all together again.”

***

The funeral was long and bleak. There was no sun, but neither was there any wind. The only people who turned out besides Castiel and his brothers were friends, the vicar, a couple of Michael’s work friends he didn’t know, and the school Principal, oddly enough. Castiel half-hoped he’d see their father appear part-way through the ceremony, but when he realised the chance of him hearing of his sons’ deaths was slim, he gave up.

The vicar told all in attendance that it was a sad, sad day. He praised both Michael and Lucifer, something Castiel thought Lucifer would find highly ironic, before reading a passage from the Bible. He stopped listening when it became apparent how irrelevant the passage actually was – it had nothing to do with archangels anyway – and instead tried to think of something he’d read in his mother’s books, something more appropriate; to his dismay, he couldn’t.

Then came the lowering of the coffins. Lucifer went down first, once the brothers had laid their tributes on top of the sleek black box, then a few short minutes later, Michael was put to rest in a similar fashion. Standing in sombre silence next to Gabriel, Castiel looked up at the crowd of people who had gathered opposite them to pay their respects. Raphael had only invited Uriel, who stood tall with his head bowed, expression intense. They had never really known Uriel, but enough for him to be appreciated here and now. 

Aside from the people Castiel didn’t recognise – was one of them called Ash? – he saw that Michael’s closest friends were stood opposite them, looking equal parts distraught and brave; Dean, of course, was managing to hold it all in, and standing at his shoulder was Lisa, a deep frown marking her pretty face. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and she tipped her head to rest it on his shoulder, as if that was all he needed by way of reassurance. Next to them stood Adam and Jo, who was freely crying and cradled against his side comfortingly. Adam, however, looked like the one who needed comforting, and Cas wouldn’t have expected anything else from him. He had known Michael the best – as far as Castiel knew, Adam had only ever cried in front of Michael. It didn’t seem to matter that he couldn’t see now.

Balthazar and Sam had turned up, too – for Gabriel, Castiel imagined, although he wouldn’t have been surprised if Sam knew Michael fairly well. He was glad they were here, as uncomfortable as they both looked, and knew that his brothers would be thankful for their presence because it would soothe Gabriel somewhat. He would never admit it, but he could be incredibly sensitive at times. If his friends hadn’t come, Castiel would have been left to try and look after him alone. Someone who was alone though was Chuck, who watched him from across the hollow rectangle of earth. Castiel thought he could see a hint of an apology in his eyes, and simply nodded faintly when Chuck smiled at him.

Finally, Lucifer’s friends stood near the end of the patch. Only Meg, Alistair, and a girl called Ruby had been invited, but a few more stood a respectable distance away, a quiet cloud of black. Castiel was surprised they had come. Though Alistair looked like he would rather be somewhere else, Meg was barely managing to contain her sobs, and Ruby was doing no better in calming her down. Part of him wanted to believe they were here for Michael as well, but until her boyfriend’s name had been mentioned, Meg had hardly been paying attention. He was glad they came, though. It would be wrong for Lucifer to be guest-less. 

As the earth was thrown on, Castiel couldn’t help but feel that there was someone missing. Anna should have been here. Of course, he’d texted her about it, giving her all the details as soon as he knew them himself, but she hadn’t shown. He was aware that the priest was talking in the background, a familiar sounding verse that he’d probably already heard, but it seemed as though his eyes and his mind were separate entities fighting for control – on one hand, it was impossible for him to tear his gaze away from the family photograph, now partially hidden under a layer of pale brown soil, yet on the other hand he couldn’t stop thinking about how he wanted Anna here. He could imagine how she’d stand, what expression she’d be wearing, maybe even what clothes – not black like everyone else. Only the Novaks knew that their brothers hadn’t wanted a black funeral, but he would have told her. He may have been teased mercilessly, but Michael and Lucifer had like Anna. Michael would have wanted her there, he told himself. 

Then it was over. People turned their backs on the hole in the ground, on the statuesque brothers, and the priest left with a softly spoken word to Raphael. The wind finally picked up, biting into Castiel’s neck and scratching his ears. That was when the tears arrived – when he felt cold and alone again, and the one person he wanted to make things better wasn’t there. He wanted to hate her; he wanted to hate Michael and Lucifer for putting them all in this position. And he did – just as much as he loved them. Finally, he thought, maybe he was getting closer to understanding them. It was just a shame it had come too late.

A tear fell off his cheek, pulled away by the wind. Castiel sniffed, then turned around to follow his brothers back to the car. He was the last person to leave.

***

Gabriel was crying. The sound troubled Raphael, who hated seeing his brothers upset, but he didn’t feel the need to go in and comfort him. They all needed some time alone now. They’d each adjust eventually, move on from their loss, and life would continue. Although, he was slightly concerned about Castiel; it was him who had phoned Gabriel to tell him about the accident, yet he still had no recollection of it. The doctors said it wasn’t unusual, but it was unsettling at least. That, and the possibility of a bruised spine…

Raphael dropped his head into his hands, breathing in long and hard through his nose. He was failing – failing at keeping his family together, at keeping his brothers safe. He had failed his father, broken the promise he and Michael had made to him. But what did that matter, a voice somewhere in his head asked. James Novak was gone – if he wasn’t dead either, then he was very far away, and Raphael wasn’t expecting him back. Why worry about a broken promise to a dead man, one who had promised so much more himself?

Trying to come to terms with what had just happened was difficult, even for him. The paramedics guessed Michael and Lucifer had landed on rotten wood, unlike Castiel, who had landed on a giant bin. The splintered wood and glass had severely cut them both, and the contents of the box Michael landed on had caused unseen damage to his abdomen. He remembered Gabriel’s panic, Dean’s insistence that they come too, then finding them. God… the blood… He would have to ask Castiel what had happened. He didn’t want to, for both their sakes, but he knew it was something that had to be done. School also needed to be told, he remembered, and any applications Michael had sent to colleges needed to be cancelled.

Raphael thought of their mother, of her obsession with angels. What made her believe in them so strongly when things like this could happen? Hell, they were all _named_ after angels. Surely one of them (if they existed) thought to watch over them once in a while! He scoffed at himself for thinking so. Whatever faith he’d had had died alongside his mother and sister, before being finally stamped out by his father – and now this. No, if he was going to believe in something, it was his own strength of mind; for Gabriel and Castiel, if not for the memory of the deceased.


End file.
